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cabbitzillaI'm out of town for a bit over a week, starting in about... *peers at the clock* ... 10 hours. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I have a very good feeling about the trip (which means either it'll go resoudingly well or that my plane's gonna go *bam* at 30,000 feet :p), and I'll post again when I'm back.
Those of you who know how to find me will see me 'online' until sometime around 3 or 4am... be patient. I'm packing, doing laundry, and otherwise losing my mind getting ready for the trip. Responses will come eventually, but I simply have to get this stuff done. *tosses another blank in the CDRW drive and toasts down more anime* Busy busy busy. :p
Rowan, I'll see you soon.
Owyn, I love you. I'll be back very soon, you'll see.
Ryn, Clara... *hugs* Don't do anything I won't do (HAH! There ain't much at ALL on that list :p), and if you do, take notes. I wanna know. :P
The rest: *hugs*
Anyway... Megan's almost done cleaning the bathroom, and then I need to wave my nekkid body in the general direction of the soap.
Wuvu!
~Ellie-chan, traveling cabbit
As an afterthought... it's an old tune, dating back to Leslie Fish's 1989 release Firestorm: Songs of the Third World War, but it and others on this -fine- release have served as anthems for me down through the years. This song in particular... it relates to the mindset of continuining onwards only because you don't know how to stop; a mindset where you've simply stopped thinking, and the weight of the world has covered your soul in a thick layer of bleakness.
Too damn many losses, scars across your hide.
Friend and home and family gone by.
Do the miles of wasteland really roll the pain behind,
Or are you racing for a place to die?
Chorus:
Heart like an axle, bounded by your wheels,
Rolling down the endless blacktop road.
Stripping gears and losing for every mile that falls;
How long can you keep dragging that load?
Innocence and honesty before your eyes have died.
Watch yourself turn crazy by degrees.
All your skills wheel down to one last purpose in this world:
To turn against the same old enemies.
Honest hands hold out to you a promised home again.
Why do you always turn around and run?
Is it fear to feel again the losing and the pain,
Or shame of showing decent men the demon you've become?
Stand on the highway in the wreckage and the dust,
Where nothing moves now but the wind and sun.
How long the warrior with no one you can trust,
How long before the race is run?
How long can you keep dragging that load?
--
It's a mindset that's toxic... it /will/ kill you; the only real question is when. Changing is the only way to survive. Recognizing it in your own self is an astoundingly difficult thing to do, though. By the time you've -reached- this state, you're no longer functioning on a conscious level. That's why we have friends... people on the 'outside'... who can (when necessary) take an axe to the walls you've built and drag you back out into the sun. I've been there... I was saved because someone cared enough to remind me that I was worthy of love and kindness. Repeatedly. Strenuously. And at one point, a bullwhip was used to reinforce the point. I was more stubborn than most, I suspect.
But given my past, my present, and the future I look to and believe in... the friends and family I have should understand by now that I /am/ an unstoppable force, and that any walls that are in my way /will/ come down by hook or by crook. The stubborness that once drove my Mistress to whip me till we -both- collapsed stands in good stead now; I don't back down, I don't relent, I never EVER give up. Ask Frances, who takes a very similar stance with her aptly named 'clue-by-four' and 'clue-tank', both of which she's threatened me with. I don't mess with the small potatoes firepower; this doll's equipped with Protoculture Clue Cannons and PCT (Portable Chaos Theorem) Bombs. I love you all. Listen to the battered dollie when she says 'I love you'. The words are from the heart, and once spoken are -not- going to be retracted. And no quarter will be given...
I love you -means- I love you.
*hugs*
~Elisabeth
Those of you who know how to find me will see me 'online' until sometime around 3 or 4am... be patient. I'm packing, doing laundry, and otherwise losing my mind getting ready for the trip. Responses will come eventually, but I simply have to get this stuff done. *tosses another blank in the CDRW drive and toasts down more anime* Busy busy busy. :p
Rowan, I'll see you soon.
Owyn, I love you. I'll be back very soon, you'll see.
Ryn, Clara... *hugs* Don't do anything I won't do (HAH! There ain't much at ALL on that list :p), and if you do, take notes. I wanna know. :P
The rest: *hugs*
Anyway... Megan's almost done cleaning the bathroom, and then I need to wave my nekkid body in the general direction of the soap.
Wuvu!
~Ellie-chan, traveling cabbit
As an afterthought... it's an old tune, dating back to Leslie Fish's 1989 release Firestorm: Songs of the Third World War, but it and others on this -fine- release have served as anthems for me down through the years. This song in particular... it relates to the mindset of continuining onwards only because you don't know how to stop; a mindset where you've simply stopped thinking, and the weight of the world has covered your soul in a thick layer of bleakness.
Heart Like An Axle
Too damn many losses, scars across your hide.
Friend and home and family gone by.
Do the miles of wasteland really roll the pain behind,
Or are you racing for a place to die?
Chorus:
Heart like an axle, bounded by your wheels,
Rolling down the endless blacktop road.
Stripping gears and losing for every mile that falls;
How long can you keep dragging that load?
Innocence and honesty before your eyes have died.
Watch yourself turn crazy by degrees.
All your skills wheel down to one last purpose in this world:
To turn against the same old enemies.
Honest hands hold out to you a promised home again.
Why do you always turn around and run?
Is it fear to feel again the losing and the pain,
Or shame of showing decent men the demon you've become?
Stand on the highway in the wreckage and the dust,
Where nothing moves now but the wind and sun.
How long the warrior with no one you can trust,
How long before the race is run?
How long can you keep dragging that load?
--
It's a mindset that's toxic... it /will/ kill you; the only real question is when. Changing is the only way to survive. Recognizing it in your own self is an astoundingly difficult thing to do, though. By the time you've -reached- this state, you're no longer functioning on a conscious level. That's why we have friends... people on the 'outside'... who can (when necessary) take an axe to the walls you've built and drag you back out into the sun. I've been there... I was saved because someone cared enough to remind me that I was worthy of love and kindness. Repeatedly. Strenuously. And at one point, a bullwhip was used to reinforce the point. I was more stubborn than most, I suspect.
But given my past, my present, and the future I look to and believe in... the friends and family I have should understand by now that I /am/ an unstoppable force, and that any walls that are in my way /will/ come down by hook or by crook. The stubborness that once drove my Mistress to whip me till we -both- collapsed stands in good stead now; I don't back down, I don't relent, I never EVER give up. Ask Frances, who takes a very similar stance with her aptly named 'clue-by-four' and 'clue-tank', both of which she's threatened me with. I don't mess with the small potatoes firepower; this doll's equipped with Protoculture Clue Cannons and PCT (Portable Chaos Theorem) Bombs. I love you all. Listen to the battered dollie when she says 'I love you'. The words are from the heart, and once spoken are -not- going to be retracted. And no quarter will be given...
I love you -means- I love you.
*hugs*
~Elisabeth
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-30 06:30 pm (UTC)Ryn
*waves with her paws*
no subject
Date: 2003-05-30 06:41 pm (UTC)You answered me whilst I was editing it, sweetling.
*smooch*
~E-chan