cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
Those of you that keep up with me in real time, or via SL or FB, are aware that I've been having som pretty serious issues with my medications. I'm on three meds that're considered psychotropics (I believe that's the word for them), each with a different purpose.

  • Lamictal (Lamotrigine) is a stabilizer, designed to quell the sometimes violent mood swings that plague me in an unmedicated state. My mood is rock steady, which means it's doing it's job quite capably.
  • Abilify (Aripiprazole) is in play as a 'social anxiety supressor', designed to lock down the panic attacks that've wreaked havoc in my life for over 30 years. There've been no signs of more than a simple OMG rush that faded immediately for over a year, which means it's doing it's job quite capably.
  • Elavil (Amitriptyline) has been 'in service' the longest, an older tricyclic depression med that is a mood elevator. It -also- gets prescribed as a migraine suppressant, so it'd been doing double duty for nearly a decade. Over the last two or three months my mood has been steadily sinking and the migraines have been getting worse and more frequent until it became evident even to me that There Is A Problem Here. Stepping up the dosage had zero effect, steppind down the dosage had zero effect... it was redily apparent where the problem was.

Thursday I attempted to get an appointment sooner than my next scheduled visit (May 18th), and was told that there were no openings to accomodate me. Fine. I still felt I had solid control despite the depression that was ripping me down.

Yeah, not so much.

This morning took Crystal and I up to the same area that the doctor's office is in. So after the book sale, I stopped at the clinic to beg for an appointment sooner than the 18th, and got seen immediately by a very worried psychiatrist. I'd had a vague recollection that the doc I needed to talk to worked a mid-day shift on Saturdays and blessedly my memory didn't betray me. It turns out that nobody had bothered to ask him about seeing me. In 12 years I've never shown up needing an emergency appointment, so there was some small amount of shock in play there. I'm now being stepped down off the no-longer functioning Elavil, and stepped up on Paxil (Paroxetine). I see him again next Saturday afternoon, at which point we'll hopefully know what the Paxil will do to me. I was told "I will see you, even if I have to stay late". I no longer need to worry whether the psych cares, it seems.

I've never seen Doc R actually worried; for years it's simply been renewals or minor tweaks... this time it was a flat out failure of one of the psychotropics I take. I'd wondered for years how much of what I said was understood; English is obviously a second language for him. But he took one hard look at me and his English was suddenly crisp and clear. Kinda spooky; I'm not used to startling docs like that. And I'm definitely not used to a doc startling me like that.

*exhale* And now we wait and see what happens...
cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
*sigh* Several things going on today...

So my sister (the blood sister kind, specifically my full sister L rather than the half sister T) is at it again. Lady C had their finances straightened out and functional again, had all the bills being paid in full on time, caught up on all the medical bills and even ironed out so that she and her husband had small amounts of discretionary money to put towards personal things. The brother-in-law there chain smokes, so his naturally goes to keeping himself supplied with cigarettes, and he's generally content with that. L's money all seemed to be going to the church... it made her happy and that seemed to be that. About eight months ago, Lady C slowly let go of the finances. She had everything running like clockwork and believed that the two of them could be responsible adults.

One of them can. T, the brother-in-law has been good. Occasional spending, but he's been pretty rock stable just with his cigarettes. They're a vice, yes, but it's a satisfying one for him. L... has once again gone off the rails. She's the one that does the bills as T has no aptitude for it; he's many things but accountant is well into the negatives. Lady C checked in on the accounts and discovered that all hell had broken loose. Heavy donations to the church, bills are way behind again, for some unGODly reason they bought a dog ($350 is vet fees plus the purchase of the dog itself) and the primary back account is buried in overdraft fees. L took all the hard work Lady C had done balancing things out and chucked it all out the window in favor of her infamous 'God will take care of us' attitude.

What the hell ever happened to good stewardhip?!

The worst of it is that the house hangs in the balance. The mortgage on the house is of the ARM (Adjustable Rate Mortgage), and come spring it adjusts itself upwards... at which point it puts them several hundred dollars over budget even if ALL 'optional' (phone, internet, cable) spending were stopped. Which means if they can't refinance, they can kiss the house good bye. In order to refinance, they're going to have to have cash to bring to the table. No Cash = No Refinance = No House... and potentially No Marriage. Having lost my own home due to similar irresponsibility, I have an intimate understanding of the equation. Granted, my marriage had been on the rocks since the sixth month (yes, it persisted for a decade in spite of that), but still the equation is accurate.

Lady C is tearing her hair out in frustration. I'm ready to drop into 'Hulk SMASH!' with my sister, who continues to donate money to the church while everything else goes to hell in an hand basket. T, last I checked, was working 50-60 hour weeks trying to make enough money to keep them afloat and he's sliding into despondency again. He's a hard working blue collar regular Joe, and this nonsense is killing him. I wonder how much more of this he can tolerate before he shrugs his shoulders and walks away with the kids.

I'm having difficulty with light today. That usually means a migraine is coming, so I've armed myself with a round of the 'Stop That!' med (frovatriptan). I'm hoping it's just a bit of sensitivity, since I'm working an afternoon/evening shift today. Most of the lighting in the building is ultrabright flourescents, which makes for things being very well lit. A shame that 'cozy' doesn't seem to have a place in the work force, as it's my preferred style of lighting. I can function just as well in the bright (most times), it just annoys me. ;) Even when I'm reading I prefer indirect lighting. I've a small lamp on my desk that gets used a lot, particularly lately when I'm up into the night hours. It's at the 'just right' level.

I'm feeling the absence of music. On my last visit to [ profile] nightambre's place, I managed to leave behind the 150gb Buffalo portable drive that's got nearly all of my music on it. It leaves me with one album of Kid Rock, the library of David Allan Coe and a handful of Alison Krauss albums. Anything else requires excavating to locate my CDs. Well, and YouTube. Not my preferred method of operation, that much is certain; there's usually music of one sort or another running, even when I'm asleep.

I've been really enjoying my chats with [ profile] scattermoon of late. It's nice to talk to someone that understands most all of the spectrum of 'issues' I have with life and the world at large. I wish she didn't have to face a good many of them, but we all have to play the game with the cards we're dealt, even if it means trading for new ones. :p And there're ongoing chatterings with [ profile] rowandoll, [ profile] nightambre, [ profile] jhyanmar and a handful of others. *chuckle* And Lady C, must not forget her. Regardless of my cloak/uncloak status there's a chat window open with her. The last couple days have seen me uncloak, even... a pretty major change from my normal hide-from-the-world behaviour.

I've discovered the hard way just how helpful the Vyvanse is by missing a dose yesterday. The sudden lack of focus was rattling and later in the evening kicked off a mood crash that was anything but fun. It's distressing to know just how chaotic and uncontrolled I am without a list of meds. It also served to remind me of something; while I was part of Lady Winter's home, she'd nudged me back onto the Ritalin to tone down the wild focus shifts and ferret-like attention span. I went off it again in the wake of her home shutting down. I'm not sure if it was a conscious decision, as it's likely it was a financial thing when I no longer had the backing of her finances.

They checked my blood pressure Tuesday while I was in the office for the fasting blood work; 120-something over 68. The Verapamil brought it well down from the 140+ over 95, thank God. Given the history of heart issues in my family, I'm more than willing to take the med to keep it at a manageable level. I wish I didn't need the meds I'm on, but I'm aware of the purpose of each of them and know that at least for the present they're all necessary.

I think that's about it, to be honest. I need to go get ready for work anyway. Be good, my friends.
And if you're bad, take notes so I can giggle later. :)
cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

I just thought I should share this, maybe as a cautionary tale. Because I'm helpful like that. It came to me via one of the mailing lists I'm on and I got a good giggle out of that last lines.

And no, this hasn't been a good day, which is why the giggle proved to be so well timed. Doctor visits rarely put me in a good mood, much less where something new pops up. An abnormality in my EKG, minor I'm told, but still enough that the doc is sending me for a consult with a coronary doc. And I've been put on a blood pressure med; while my BP was better this time than last time, it's still at the high end of normal and (to the doctor) worrying. And then there's the allergy med... this one I hail as saviour of all cabbit-kind, though, as I'm damned tired of hacking and coughing and choking on tree/bush/flower spooge. There's also another pair of inhalers... I'm supposed to try one for a couple weeks and then try the other, and see which one works. Whichever one works will replace the Flovent (which did NOT work).

Mostly I'm just grumpy. And I'm going to quit grumping at all you good people and go play Civilization IV.

More blurbs

Apr. 8th, 2009 08:02 pm
cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
Flovent HFA inhaler and Serevent Diskus have been added to my list of meds. I've had a warning from my sister about it possibly aggravating my already present vertigo issues. This'll be entertaining. Not.

Mom is intact. Leah did the long-overdue *Mart run and picked up most of what was on the 'needed for spring' list.

Dad is out of commo range; he had a gig to play tonight, and nothing short of actual death stops that man when he's supposed to play. Not even the birth of his firstborn was enough to pull him away. No, I'm not bitter. ... I seem to be saying that a lot here lately.

Evelyn won't have results until Friday. I've got various appendages crossed in hopes of it being something simple to fix.

Leah's sick, having discovered it while out doing mom's shopping. Poor kid is miserable. I did what I could to help while I was over there this afternoon.

Progress was made on the Vista-installed machine for Leah's family. In the process I've discovered that Pidgin doesn't particularly like Vista. There are some nice features in Vista, but I still have yet to see anything OMGMUSTHAVE! in it. I will say that the install process is damned tedius... it's all well and good to try and make an OS that was pretty like OS X, but dear God did they have to include the 'takes for f'inever' install time too?!

I'm tired. Too tired to cook. I ordered lasagna from Pizza Hut.

cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
After an afternoon of panic, ultrasound shows no signs of deep vein thrombosis in her legs. I even know what that means now. And I haven't hyperventilated yet.

After an afternoon of panic, dad's chest pains are apparently caused by an inflamed bile duct or some such. The man's got nine stents in his chest, all of them garnered in the last eight months.

I have no answer as to Evelyn's (stepmom) CAT scan. The doctors fear there's a growth in her sinus cavity causing the pressure and pain that the antibiotics haven't touched.

Tomorrow I'll pick up the inhalers that the doc has put me on. When Target's computer system finally came back online and they could get hold of the 'script Dr Jones had sent over, they only had one of the two. Sometime after five tomorrow.

I'm tired. Maybe I'll sleep.
cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
I'm alive. I was poked, so I'm posting in response. I'm alive.

In other news...
Look! A hamster!

And there are brownies. Brownies that >I< made, all by myself, in the gas oven that scares the sh!t out of me. I have to get used to using one though, since that's what's in the trailer. I much prefer electric, but lack the capital to refit the kitchen with an electric range.

So I'm going to go eat brownies, and continue randomly surfing YouTube. Or not. Well, I'll be doing SOMETHING, at any

My this is amazingly disjointed. A rough stretch even for me. Hrm. Well, the docs are tinkering with my meds again, trying to get the depression to level off so they can try (again) to lock down the mood swings. Hell, I've gone a full back and forth just in the keying of this post. Moody cabbit is moody, and it's difficult to think like this. :/

Right. Time for brownies. *sigh* Maybe I'll just go to bed before my mood tanks completely.
cabbitzilla: (Shadow)
Well, it's been a wee bit since my last post, so this'll be a 'state of the cabbit' type of post.

Mom came home from Holy Cross Hospital Sunday night. She had a follow-up appointment today, and is genuinely in much better shape than when she was admitted.The antibiotics and cough med have helped tremendously, and she's getting her blood pressure and blood sugar numbers down to where they belong again. Her voice is shot, but that's from a combination of coughing fits and the oxygen feed she was on at the hospital. All things considered, she's on the mend and doing decently well.

I'm not. I had to admit to my therapist today that I was unraveling and that the meds I was on were no longer controlling the mood swings. 'ultradian cycling' would seem to be the proper term for it, found as Crystal was trying to dig up information on some of my current prescriptions. The folks that know me locally (or know me well enough to not need to be local) are aware of just how rapidly I'm slingshotting from one end of the spectrum to the other. It's made helping mom difficult, and work is a nightmare. Mom at least understands the depression and bipolar issues, but work needs a more balanced stance to be effective... and that's becoming progressively more difficult. The therapist is going to recommend to the medicating psych that the Abilify be bumped up from the current dosage level. I don't really care what gets done as long as it helps me stabilize again. On top of it all, my sleep has dwindled to one hour naps scattered through the day. The cobwebs never completely clear anymore. :(

All that's left to declare the move done is to get ComCast out to install the hardware for phone, cable and broadband. Given everything that's been going on it kinda got kicked to the back burner. I need to get that taken care of, though. At any rate, I'm going to go play some Galactic Civilizations, or nap or something. Probably will end up doing a lot of nothing.


cabbitzilla: (Default)

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