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Jun. 14th, 2007 04:58 pmTwo weeks.
It's been that long since I've surfaced here. Somehow that feels wrong, but there's a reason.
My meds got changed around. Significantly. I'd grown tired of having to FAKE being happy, and let the medicating psychiatrist have both barrels of disgust over his reluctance to change anything. And then burst into tears and utterly came apart in his office. Yeah, that sorta made it clear that my moods were still rocketing back and forth right in front of him. Well, I had wanted to try and explain how bad things were...
So things got adjusted, and Abilify got added to the mix. Three days later I astounded folks with the first genuine and lasting smile in years. There'd been smiles, mind you, but nothing ever lasted against the perpetual gloom. Anyone that's been a reader here long knows that my three main moods were rage, panic, and gallows humor. Again, spots of sunshine, but it never lasted here either.
I'm NOT happy with my personal physical situation, but it's not within my financial means to do much about that at the moment. I -like- my job. I have friends, here and on Gaia and on SMT/Myristica (I need to appear more often in both places) and in the real world. I've got a relatively new computer. I've got a solid, dependable vehicle. I've got projects to occupy me; genealogy is dominating my schedule at the moment, and Crystal has been HUGE help there. Granado Espada is my game of choice, a truly gorgeous MMO with some nifty features. Otakon is coming up, and my outfit should be arriving in the next week. My apartment is -mine-. The piggies are adorable, though they're all three spoiled utterly stinko. Thanks to my mom's intervention, I have the glasses I've needed for nigh on two years... it's amazing the things I wasn't seeing. And most of the niggling little bills will be paid off courtesy of an insurance check.
In short... things are looking brighter now than they have in over a decade. And I'm more than a bit puzzled as to what to DO with it; the dour and sour outlook had become a fixture, and it simply evaporated.
But that's a good thing, right?
It's been that long since I've surfaced here. Somehow that feels wrong, but there's a reason.
My meds got changed around. Significantly. I'd grown tired of having to FAKE being happy, and let the medicating psychiatrist have both barrels of disgust over his reluctance to change anything. And then burst into tears and utterly came apart in his office. Yeah, that sorta made it clear that my moods were still rocketing back and forth right in front of him. Well, I had wanted to try and explain how bad things were...
So things got adjusted, and Abilify got added to the mix. Three days later I astounded folks with the first genuine and lasting smile in years. There'd been smiles, mind you, but nothing ever lasted against the perpetual gloom. Anyone that's been a reader here long knows that my three main moods were rage, panic, and gallows humor. Again, spots of sunshine, but it never lasted here either.
I'm NOT happy with my personal physical situation, but it's not within my financial means to do much about that at the moment. I -like- my job. I have friends, here and on Gaia and on SMT/Myristica (I need to appear more often in both places) and in the real world. I've got a relatively new computer. I've got a solid, dependable vehicle. I've got projects to occupy me; genealogy is dominating my schedule at the moment, and Crystal has been HUGE help there. Granado Espada is my game of choice, a truly gorgeous MMO with some nifty features. Otakon is coming up, and my outfit should be arriving in the next week. My apartment is -mine-. The piggies are adorable, though they're all three spoiled utterly stinko. Thanks to my mom's intervention, I have the glasses I've needed for nigh on two years... it's amazing the things I wasn't seeing. And most of the niggling little bills will be paid off courtesy of an insurance check.
In short... things are looking brighter now than they have in over a decade. And I'm more than a bit puzzled as to what to DO with it; the dour and sour outlook had become a fixture, and it simply evaporated.
But that's a good thing, right?
