(no subject)

Alone we stood at the cliff's edge, my love and I, beneath the sky of stone. We listened to the abyss howl below us, promising all and giving only the cold comfort of madness. And there was I bid wait, my heart's mate stepping into the chasm 'ere I could reach out...

(no subject)

Okay, that's now three phone calls, so I'll clarify.

It's a blue snap, I'm going to survive, I'm not going to do anything stupid/foolish/dangerous.

I spent most of today curled up on a sofa crying on my stepmother's shoulder, so it's still running its' course. Relax, loves, I'm going to be okay. It's awfully nice to know folks are worried enough to call me at 3:07am, 3:31am, and 4:49am (second call got a bit long), but really... it's just me being moody, and it'll pass.

I'm going to go pass out now. When I do finally get up, I'll try and put together a full post on what's been going on. It might have to wait until after my physical therapy appointment, though. I just KNOW you're each and every one of you waiting breathlessly for another installment of As The Ellie Turns, but you'll just have to be patient. [/sarcastic laughter]

Right. Torrent for the new episode of Dr Who is up, I've discharged my promise to put up an "I'm not dead yet!" post here, and now I'm going to smartly fsck off to bed.

~ellie
Sister Holy Axe of Compassion

(no subject)

*blinks* Okay, this isn't very complicated, though it sorta is.

Last night saw several completely different facets collide.

Megan and I have been clashing regularly, here of late. With me semi-mobile again, she's reverted back to her typical sit on her ass and expect me to do everything behavior... and the arguments have gone from spats to true viciousness on my part, most of which I will NOT repeat here. Every time she tries to pick a fight, I'm rounding on her and slicing as deep as I can verbally, and then walking out. It's not a tactic I like using, but since reasoned discourse hasn't worked I'm going to resort to animal training. Last night saw a relatively minor mood crash after she'd gone to bed. I've gotten in the habit of burying myself in some sort of busywork when it happens, so last night I jumped head first into a short story I've been trying to make work for almost three months.

Last night's snippet was a dialogue piece from it. I tend to use the LJ client on Psychotron to tweak formatting on bits and pieces until I'm happy with it, and then build it into the story proper.

Last night ALSO saw the updating of said LJ client. And the 'Post' button is now where the damned 'Cancel' button has been for almost eight months.

*shakes her head* This kind of stuff doesn't happen to other folk... just me. Anyway, I've got laundry to do.

(no subject)

The knee just blew out again. I'll be over here crying.

A more coherent post...

Okay, I've got a half solid grip on my sanity again, so here's what's going on.

When I got up this morning, -both- knees and the left hip were giving twinges. I knew there was rain coming in, but figured there was no harm in being cautious. I rearranged my plans to limit my activity to just the therapy appointment at 6:00 and a brief stop at the grocery store for essentials on the way home. No point in being reckless, right? Except I didn't get that far.

I opted to take a nap this afternoon, so I wouldn't be panting by the end of the therapy session. When I rolled out of bed, standing up was done on the left leg (as has become my habit since the right knee came apart about a month and a half ago. I stepped off, completely straight, and as my weight settled onto there was a loud-ish *snap* and then I was on the floor with tears already flowing. I knew by the time I hit what'd happened, why it happened... and what it meant.

You see, tomorrow at 4:00 is my follow-up appointment with the orthopedic doctor. I'd been, until this afternoon, looking forward to walking in under my own power and hearing that surgery wasn't necessary. With this being the second re-injury in a 30-day window, I'm now expecting that the exact opposite is true... made interesting by the fact that Megan leaves for her England/Ireland trip with her family in about a week and a half, to be gone for two weeks.

Surgery, even the idea of it, terrifies me. While I know knee repair has advanced amazing leaps and bounds since it was suggested in 1982ish to repair the left knee, the idea that there's ANY chance I won't walk again has a panic attack hovering just beyond the edges of my control. I... if that's the prognosis, I will likely not be around tomorrow. I'll either curl up in a ball and cry, or bury myself in a book or something. Right now, I'm trying to keep myself busy.

So I've now managed, after scavenging a copy of PartitionMagic v8.0, to get the external USB 60gb drive formatted as FAT32... which all of my systems will read. In the process, I learned that WindowsXP will only format a FAT32 partition of 32gb or less; Microshaft's way of forcing folks to switch to NTFS. PM8 /will/, however, so *thbbtbtbt* to M$. My music library is in the process of copying back to the aptly named MusicBox, where it'll be happy again. What I can reach of my room has been straightened, Vickie's cage has been cleaned (thank you, Crys, you're a Godsend), and blessedly I did my laundry in the wee hours of the morning, so at least I've got clean underwear and socks. With a bit of help from Crys I've ransacked my piles of CDs and pulled viewing material out to keep me busy.

And that's all I've got.