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Feb. 15th, 2003 02:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabbitzilla... sometimes the 'why' has more impact than a death. Wow. I... wasn't expecting that. Kudos to the designers... they moved me to tears again. Not bad tears though, if a bit sad. But I remain impressed with the care put into each installment of the Final Fantasy series. While VIII had its' brutal moments, and pieces that tore at my heart, the storyline failed to capture me. IX left me thunderstruck, VIII just left me going '... and?'
A treasured swore vehemently that VII should be kept from me, acting on the desire to spare me the pain. She worries that I pour too much of myself into the fictional stories that I see, read, and play... and that my spirit suffers regularly because of that trait. And to be completely honest, she's right; I see meaning where others see only gaudy images and sound. But... in all honesty, that's what makes me -me-... it's as much 'who I am' as anything else I can think of. My heart of hearts is an eager girl waiting at the campfire for the next wild tale of fancy to be spun by the Family elders. Of all the things about me... this thing I wish least to change. Losing that impulse and need to be lost in the story would be... death. And I've far too much yet to do to toy with notions so severe.
So yes... sometimes it stings a bit. Sometimes it knocks me to the ground, and leaves me in tears. But in the end, I am still -me-, and that's what's really important. When I'm not weaving a tale myself, it's -good- to have someone else's to dive into. And when balance returns, whatever 'wisdom' I've gleaned from the most recent sting is integrated into the whole.
Yeah, I'm rambling here. Humor me. Or skip past it. I figure the ones who even partially understand me will hang tight and see where I end up. *peers forlornly into the empty Kool Aid jug and sighs* Time to make more, I guess. Anyway, I guess what I'm driving at here is that... well... being able to feel pain [by that I mean emotional pain, not the physical pain I'd so dearly love to rid myself of] means that I'm truly alive. It's a barometer for my soul. In times past, I'd sealed all of my emotions away, and in the process turned myself into a cold-blooded sadist. Being able to feel sorrow, to feel sadness, or even to feel anger... it means that I can feel joy, and happiness, and peace. I don't often speak of it... but losing those things might well be my deepest fear. I know what I became without them... I remember what it felt like as the ice closed in on my soul. If being sure that I -never-, -EVER- go back to that means immersing myself in sadness from time to time, then that is what I will do.
As for the friend and her warnings... darling, I adore you. I know you worry about me. Thank you. *hugs* Having family that genuinely gives a shit about me is... a thrilling experience. Even at my most vexed, I love you. As for this? I'm okay... honest. And if I ever get out your way, I /WILL/ collect my hug, dagnabbit. :p
So there. *thbt!*
*hugs and cuddles from the rambling cabbit*
~Ellie-chan
A treasured swore vehemently that VII should be kept from me, acting on the desire to spare me the pain. She worries that I pour too much of myself into the fictional stories that I see, read, and play... and that my spirit suffers regularly because of that trait. And to be completely honest, she's right; I see meaning where others see only gaudy images and sound. But... in all honesty, that's what makes me -me-... it's as much 'who I am' as anything else I can think of. My heart of hearts is an eager girl waiting at the campfire for the next wild tale of fancy to be spun by the Family elders. Of all the things about me... this thing I wish least to change. Losing that impulse and need to be lost in the story would be... death. And I've far too much yet to do to toy with notions so severe.
So yes... sometimes it stings a bit. Sometimes it knocks me to the ground, and leaves me in tears. But in the end, I am still -me-, and that's what's really important. When I'm not weaving a tale myself, it's -good- to have someone else's to dive into. And when balance returns, whatever 'wisdom' I've gleaned from the most recent sting is integrated into the whole.
Yeah, I'm rambling here. Humor me. Or skip past it. I figure the ones who even partially understand me will hang tight and see where I end up. *peers forlornly into the empty Kool Aid jug and sighs* Time to make more, I guess. Anyway, I guess what I'm driving at here is that... well... being able to feel pain [by that I mean emotional pain, not the physical pain I'd so dearly love to rid myself of] means that I'm truly alive. It's a barometer for my soul. In times past, I'd sealed all of my emotions away, and in the process turned myself into a cold-blooded sadist. Being able to feel sorrow, to feel sadness, or even to feel anger... it means that I can feel joy, and happiness, and peace. I don't often speak of it... but losing those things might well be my deepest fear. I know what I became without them... I remember what it felt like as the ice closed in on my soul. If being sure that I -never-, -EVER- go back to that means immersing myself in sadness from time to time, then that is what I will do.
As for the friend and her warnings... darling, I adore you. I know you worry about me. Thank you. *hugs* Having family that genuinely gives a shit about me is... a thrilling experience. Even at my most vexed, I love you. As for this? I'm okay... honest. And if I ever get out your way, I /WILL/ collect my hug, dagnabbit. :p
So there. *thbt!*
*hugs and cuddles from the rambling cabbit*
~Ellie-chan
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FVIII? *hrmphs*
Date: 2003-02-18 06:26 pm (UTC)But VII definitely had the saddest moment of any of the games for me.... X is really really good. They do a good job with the *wise* man character in it. Very creative usage..... And yes, I tend to get very much into all of them, and books I read and movies I see.... I write a bit too, so I kinda udnerstand this line:
When I'm not weaving a tale myself, it's -good- to have someone else's to dive into.
*shrugs* Just my two cents....
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Date: 2003-02-18 07:01 pm (UTC)I've not played X, yet... lacking a PS2 tends to put a bit of a damper on that one. :p