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[cabbitzilla]

This post has its origins in a conversation I had this evening with the moderator of a support group I'm part of. The group itself is a hybrid support and discussion forum for those with gender issues and ties to the Furry fandom. At it's peak, the discussions carried on were equal parts support, advice, and comedic lunacy... for the most part it was just the right blend to keep things from dissolving into the flamewars that plague so many of the 'high strung' support forum.


P: What can I do?
E: It's not your fault, love, and I don't think there's anything you -can- do. I... I keep looking at some of the things that are being posted, and [Person X] flits in and out of this herself - I can't shake the feeling that this is a -game- to a lot of them. It's all about big boobs, with no attention given to the details of proper comportment. *sigh* And I think I'm getting old, and there's -nothing- more bitter than an aging queen...
E: Am I making any sense at all?
P: Perfectly
E: They -scare- me, love. They want to pitch the world on it's ear, going for shock value, and to hell with 'fitting in' or being a proper lady or gentleman.
P: Well, YOu could talk about the proper way to be a lady...
E: And I'll get smacked for 'feeding stereotypes' and 'perpetuating the gender chains'. This isn't a rebellion for me... this is a matter of spirit and soul.
P: Then say that
E: I'm afraid. And that's the honest truth to you and God both. I'm afraid. I look at the 'gender warriors' that want to wave their banners, and wonder what the fsck is -wrong- with them. If they don't want to be female, or don't want to be male, but refuse to remain as their currently perceived gender, then what /do/ they want? I understand wanting to be taken for yourself, but there are really only three choices here: male, female, or useless. I... don't think I see things the way they do... I look at what I can contribute, they seem to look at what they can take. And that frightens me...


And I realized that that really -is- the difference; for me, the changes in how I'm looked at are a matter of meshing my external appearance with what's within me. I'm not on some holy crusade, I'm not looking to 'shatter the gender chains', I'm not staging a rebellion - I'm just trying to be me. But here in recent times, it turns out that many of the newer members of this particular support list are (pardon my labeling) presumptuously self-righteous in their expressed moral outrage.

That's not to say that folks like that don't have a place... but it seems to me that a support group is NOT the place to be campaigning; the souls there are already battered from their own individual realities, and really don't need to be slammed around any further as they try to make their way. But the problem is not just on this listserv... as I sit here and think on it, it seems to me that if folks spent -half- the energy on getting themselves straight that they did shaking a fist in the air at the establishment, that the world would be a more lovely place by far.

As for me, I'm simply trying to make my way. I really don't want any more warfare; I've seen more than what I considered 'enough', and just want to live in peace. I believe that I -can- do that... and that by seeking to blend with society I can contribute more, and be more effective with any needed changes than a warmonger from without. I really don't want to be a bitter old queen; there're a lot of things I still want to do, and a lot of living I want to experience. And maybe if I can manage to do it peacefully, someone -else- will have an easier road when it comes time for them to cross an established line.

*hugs and cuddles*
~Ellie-chan

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[nightambre.livejournal.com]

*gives big hugs.* ;.;