It is finished.

[cabbitzilla]

My failure is now complete, and the circle of nearly ten years is closed.
Megan and the vast bulk of her possessions have been delivered to her new apartment in New Jersey.

Thanks to the heroic efforts of Crystal and her hubby Kelly, and an 11th hour pitch-in by Hilfie, the truck got loaded. Crys made the trip up with me, mostly to make sure that I got back alive. Tommy Joe, my brother-in-law, showed up today and two truck loads of debris were taken to the dump. Megan's now-empty room needs to be vacuumed, and the last vestiges of her presence are gone.

This is a long-needed ending to a very bad pairing; she's a good kid, for all my bitching, but she and I are explosively non-compatible long term. She'll do well, I think; her boyfriend is a MUCH better match for her than I ever was, and gives her the dominant partner she spent most of a decade trying to turn me into. Everything arrived safe and sound, without even a bit of shiftage in the truck I so carefully packed.

And last night... after Crys headed home... the mood crash to end all mood crashes hit while I was attempting to have my first beer in months and relax. It... it wasn't a good combination; it let the bleak loose. I've been on the verge of tears all day, where what's left of my rational mind says that I should be relieved or at least moderately satisfied. It simply slams the failure home deeper. It's probably a blessing that the import beer I bought as a 'reward' has turned out to be too damned bitter to drink.

In the process of today's clearing of debris, I managed to stumble and twist my left ankle and bash the hell out of my right knee; I'm mobile, but only just barely. A fitting way to end the day, I suspect. I... need to find something to do with myself. I'm the queen of self-distraction, but this has me floundering. *sigh*

Comments

[miche-connor.livejournal.com]

Well, I am not sure I'd call it a failure. It's just life, honey. You do the best you can and go on, and as long as I've known you, that's what I have seen you do. I am sorry that you hurt yourself, though. That's no fun. I hope you've ice and have it elevated so you can keep the swelling down.

Think of it not as a beginning, but the start of something new and shiny.

*HUGS*

[ginkage.livejournal.com]

Even the most torrid chapter eventually ends and leaves the way clear for a better ending.

It may not be the happiest of endings, but one can always hope that it's happier than the chapter before it.

*hugs* Thinking of you. Wish that I could be there to hug you in actuality.

Failure? I think not.

[lys1022.livejournal.com]

It's natural to feel sadness and introspection whenever a chapter in our life ends, Sis, but I would definitely stop short of calling this a failure. It was something that just wasn't meant to be, and the fact that you both survived it and learned from it can only count as a victory. Was it easy? Riiiiight...sure it was...and if you believe that, have I got a deal for you! Was it necessary? Probably, in some form, yeah, it was. It gave you each a better command of what you do and don't need in your lives. Was it drawn out? Unfortunately, yeah. But you survived it, you learned from it, and now you can mourn for a time but then you will have to move past it.

Feel sad for a bit, mourn for a bit, then set the sadness aside while keeping the lessons learned...and look forward. You've got a lot to look forward to from this point on. And people who are here to help you move into that new chapter.

Lurve you. *HUG*

[invader-tak-1.livejournal.com]

Gretting out of a relationship that provided you NOTHING but suffering is NOT a failure.

She wanted a "big strong man" you don't make that anymore. She couldn't accept it. I'm still living with my ex under far to similar condtions, You did the right thing, and its cretainly not "failure".

[porcelaingirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I've been thinking about you lots - I hope things are better soon and I wish I could be there to help...

*hug*
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