In the wee hours of the morning...
Oct. 17th, 2002 03:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabbitzillaI... honestly wish that all Christians were as level headed as Ethan. While he can be (to my standards) a bit stiff sometimes, he has a wonderful heart and a strong desire to help. He's not sure at all doctrinally where I fall, but he's determined to be a friend and help where he can. This is a nice boost considering the normal 'you're going to hell if you don't repent and stop this evil gender stuff' attitude I generally get. As I was telling him, I've had next to no luck in finding a Church that'll tolerate my presence amongst them once they 'discover' me.
The lone exception to this has been the LDS Church. As a group, they're really not at all sure what to do with me, but they always seem glad to see me and welcome me back in. Granted, were I to try and formally join, those same problems would arise, but they're at least willing to let me attend the worship services without excessive amounts of pain and angst. Of course, the Sunday morning services are generally occuring while I'm asleep. :( I keep trying and I keep missing them, much to my dismay.
Having a plan of action, no matter how fuzzy it may be, is helpful. It's easier to accomplish things, knowing that there's a -purpose- again. I'd lost track of all of that in the miasma of pain and fatigue. That's probably what had motivated Frances and a few others to near hysteria in her efforts to wake me up; I was rapidly disintegrating for lack of a focus. Looking at my life of the last few months, and at my home... it's past time to get things moving again. Long past time.
Sadly, Megan is going to interperet my efforts to get things done as me 'feeling better', and try and load yet more trivial stuff on me. That's consistently been her pattern, and the collapse of my health did nothing to change it. So as I start -doing- things again, I'm trying to brace myself to be tactful and polite... and not utterly rip her head off for expecting more than is physically possible from me. I wish that my control over my temper were not so closely tied to my pain levels... on a rainy day like today, it's hard to be polite to /myself/, much less another person.
Still, it's a course of action. With all of the laundry washed, my next project probably should be folding it all up and putting it away. That would clear the area out in the 'dining room' area that I want to move the desks and computers out to... which would in turn let me get this room clean, and get one of the sofas moved in here... which would let me get the piggy moved out to the living room so he wouldn't be lonely without me in here all the time. A very long chain of potential. And unlike last week at this time, contemplating it doesn't make the spots behind my eyes ache.
I'm almost looking forward to it, in spite fo the fact that it's all going to hurt like heck. I figure when it's time to start moving bigger furniture, I'm going to try and draft Jason... someone strong to 'be a manly man' and help out. *giggle* He likes to help out and show off how strong he is, I like him and need the help, so it all works out perfectly. Even if he -does- keep killing the PCs I build for him.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I need to think about crashing so that I can get some sleep. Or at least lay down and stare at the wall for a while. I wish the meds to help me sleep actually worked... that'd be ever so helpful.
*hugs and playful smooches*
~Ellie-chan
The lone exception to this has been the LDS Church. As a group, they're really not at all sure what to do with me, but they always seem glad to see me and welcome me back in. Granted, were I to try and formally join, those same problems would arise, but they're at least willing to let me attend the worship services without excessive amounts of pain and angst. Of course, the Sunday morning services are generally occuring while I'm asleep. :( I keep trying and I keep missing them, much to my dismay.
Having a plan of action, no matter how fuzzy it may be, is helpful. It's easier to accomplish things, knowing that there's a -purpose- again. I'd lost track of all of that in the miasma of pain and fatigue. That's probably what had motivated Frances and a few others to near hysteria in her efforts to wake me up; I was rapidly disintegrating for lack of a focus. Looking at my life of the last few months, and at my home... it's past time to get things moving again. Long past time.
Sadly, Megan is going to interperet my efforts to get things done as me 'feeling better', and try and load yet more trivial stuff on me. That's consistently been her pattern, and the collapse of my health did nothing to change it. So as I start -doing- things again, I'm trying to brace myself to be tactful and polite... and not utterly rip her head off for expecting more than is physically possible from me. I wish that my control over my temper were not so closely tied to my pain levels... on a rainy day like today, it's hard to be polite to /myself/, much less another person.
Still, it's a course of action. With all of the laundry washed, my next project probably should be folding it all up and putting it away. That would clear the area out in the 'dining room' area that I want to move the desks and computers out to... which would in turn let me get this room clean, and get one of the sofas moved in here... which would let me get the piggy moved out to the living room so he wouldn't be lonely without me in here all the time. A very long chain of potential. And unlike last week at this time, contemplating it doesn't make the spots behind my eyes ache.
I'm almost looking forward to it, in spite fo the fact that it's all going to hurt like heck. I figure when it's time to start moving bigger furniture, I'm going to try and draft Jason... someone strong to 'be a manly man' and help out. *giggle* He likes to help out and show off how strong he is, I like him and need the help, so it all works out perfectly. Even if he -does- keep killing the PCs I build for him.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I need to think about crashing so that I can get some sleep. Or at least lay down and stare at the wall for a while. I wish the meds to help me sleep actually worked... that'd be ever so helpful.
*hugs and playful smooches*
~Ellie-chan
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*pbth*
Hrmph...was NOT near hysteria. *pbth* :) But I'm glad to see that you ARE awake again, and planning and doing. It's definitely good to see.
Love ya!
no subject
Date: 2002-10-17 06:57 am (UTC)