*Le Sigh*

Restless last night, with little actual sleep. Not sure what triggered it, but the nightmares that've plagued me lately were in high gear; a good bit of the night was spent huddled against the wall. Fogged and exhausted, I curled up a bit ago to catch up on the threads I follow on Gaia that I follow, only to have Gaia crash and burn, giving me this error:

phpBB : Critical Error Error updating gold to user table DEBUG MODE SQL Error : 3 Error writing file './sql4-bin.119' (Errcode: 28) UPDATE gaia_status SET gold = gold + 1 , exp = exp + 1 WHERE id = 434816 Line : 344 File : /home/admin/public_html/forum/includes/sessions.php

*sighs, and checks again* Still dead. Maybe I'll go back to bed.. maybe I can actually get some sleep in the safety of the day. *shrugs* I'm worn and weary, but there's enough fear there that I'm not sure I'm sleepy, really. I've hit one of those points where nothing really matters at all, I think. Erf.

*checks to make sure she's taken her meds and nods* I should start getting some sort of effect from the Lamictal in another week or so; maybe that'll help. This will probably just end up being a 'bleah!' kind of day, but at least there's been no full out panic attacks. They tend to cause just a little disruption in my day, you know? At any rate, maybe I can bag a nap... that's what I'm going to aim for. Worst case will put me back online in about 20 mins, frustrated and fretful.

Merf. Gaia's still down. Okie, 's naptime.
*snugs*

A Day Out

A bit after 1300, Hobbes called - he was just up the road, and wanted to stop by. I had nothing else to do, so I told him okay and pulled some clothes on. When he arrived, I discovered his intent was to haul me out to see a movie... specifically, The Punisher. I shrugged, took five minutes to completely tape up my knee, and off we went.

To be honest, in spite of decent outings with Hulk and Spiderman, I was expecting this most recent attempt at Frank Clark's one man war to suck horribly. The last attempt, featuring Dolph Lundgren, was positively wretched. Stick to He-Man films, Dolph. Or better yet, just go back to body building. Thomas Jane does a very capable Frank Castle, and John Travolta continues his streak of well performed villains.

And that's about all you'll get out of me about the film itself; I don't believe in spoilers and you'll get none from me. And that's the bottom line, 'cause... oh, wait, wrong kind of acting.

Given my background, it's a ... troubling film. It dumped me into a mindset that I was forced to flee over a decade ago... a time and place that permanently cost me portions of my sanity. The source for 80% of the nightmares that continue to plague me. I doubt I'll sleep tonight; I'll probably end up buried in a book or online project of some sort. There's simply too much there to risk being quelled by the drugs.

Worth seeing? Yes. Especially if you've ever been a fan of the comic. The things that trouble me (thankfully) don't trouble most of my friends. *soft snerk* I think I'm the only black hearted psycho in my group of friends, though there's one that believes she's in that class herself. Who I am now is directly attributable to who I was... further proof that there is no 'unforgiveable' sin. But just because something is forgiven doesn't necessarily end the penance.

There are going to be those who are convinced that I'm overindulging, who'll pishposh at me and possibly even scold me. Given the things that I've seen and done, I'm thankful that those people exist - it means that innocence IS still alive.
*turns up the Tom Smith, and wanders off to make some supper*