(no subject)

I...

I may be a bit ... distant. Or absent. I... *curls up and cries*

I've been... running in a 'mental overload' condition for a couple weeks... right on the edge of things fragmenting completely. I've been hit with too much chaos, too much pain, too many people who only hear what they want to hear, too much guilt.

The antidepressant I've been on, Lexapro, has been rapidly faltering as my body adapts to it and filters it out.
The med I'm on to help me sleep, Desyrel (trazadone HCI), is now next to useless. A 'night of sleep' now is meaning four or five twenty minute naps that end very badly, shocked awake by my own screams, drenched in sweat.
The nightmares are back. The panic attacks are back. And I'm going to pieces far faster than I thought possible under the renewed assault.

Which is making it difficult to communicate with the folks that I love. I ... don't know what to do. When I try to explain what's going on, what I get is the hurt responses about being sorry to be a 'bother' to me, which makes -zero- fscking sense to me; if you're someone I've told is family, then you're not being a bother.

I ... I know I'm being hypersensitive. I don't know what to do about it or how to fix it. I've got an appointment with the medicating psychiatrist this coming thursday, but in the meantime I'm a bloody basket case. Nothing seems to be getting done on my end; the things that're being accomplished are random. I'm trying desperately to hold things together. I honestly am. But it's now hit the point where any sort of guilt or anger or disapointment kicks me into yet another tailspin.

If you're waiting on something from me, please be patient.
If you're waiting for input or an opinion from me, please be patient.
I'm doing my best. I'm painfully aware that I'm behind. On everything.

I need to go. The tears are coming fast enough that it's hard to see, now. Maybe curling up with my pillow for a bit will help.

(no subject)

*blinks*

Errr.... okie?

Just about the time I was getting ready to pack it in, label today an utter disaster, and hide under my blankets, there's a knock at the door. I blinked at the clock, noted it was 2200 already, then wobbled over to the door.

And was handed a NetGear Wireless Router, by my neighbor who'd found it in a filecabinet in his garage.

0.o

*blink*

*blinkblink*

Wow. I... need to check and see iffn any of the laptops have wireless built into them. I'll be over here, staring at the new router in utter puzzlement...

(no subject)

Well... that went pear-shaped.

&*^$%^##!!!

The wireless router needs some maintenence... it stays locked in the test cycle. Hrm. Found a 10mbt BlackBox hub in my rummaging, though, and am tempted to just string a cat5 line down the wall on little hooks. So I'm off to futz with it all a bit more.

Oh, and in case you were wondering just -how- much of a geek I am? I've got spools of raw Cat-5 wire, connectors, crimpers (borrowed, ancient, but functional with a bit of fernoodling), and can do the wiring in my sleep. And pretty much did so, about a half hour ago, for the patch cable I needed.