(no subject)

*grins* And here I am, with the script to Heavy Metal in front of me...

Voices echo below us.


PROSECUTOR

Are you Captain Lincoln F. Sternn?


STERNN

I am.


As we move down, we see square-jawed CAPTAIN STERNN, his shifty-eyed lawyer, and the cold Prosecutor all standing before the Judge.

STERNN is smirking confidently as the Prosecutor reads from a long page of charges.

PROSECUTOR

Lincoln Sternn - you stand here accused of twelve counts of murder in the first degree ... fourteen counts of armed theft of Federation property ...


CUT TO THE GALLERY

The hostile humanoid and alien faces all stare at STERNN with hateful, accusing eyes.

PROSECUTOR
(V.O.)

... twenty-two counts of piracy in high space ... eighteen counts of fraud ...


CUT TO STERNN'S LAWYER

Mopping his brow, he looks nervously over to STERNN.


PROSECUTOR
(V.O.)

... thirty-seven counts of rape, and one moving violation. How do you plead?


CUT TO CAPTAIN STERNN
Smiling to himself, he nods, then gets serious.


STERNN

Not guilty!


LAWYER
(whispers to Sternn)

Not guilty?!? Are you nuts?!?


STERNN
(whispers to lawyer)

It's okay, Charlie. I got an angle.


JUDGE
(to Prosecutor)

Call the first witness!


STERNN and his lawyer move to their seats.


LAWYER
(to Sternn)

But the Prosecutor's gotcha cold! Yer as guilty as a cat in a goldfish bowl.


CUT TO THE COURTROOM DOORS

ZEKE and EDSEL enter with FISTE, and push their way to the front.


PROSECUTOR

The Prosecution calls Hanover Fiste.


GUARD #1

Calling Hanover Fiste!


GUARD #2

Calling Hanover Fiste!


GUARD #3

Calling Hanover Fiste!


GUARD #4

Hanover Fiste!


ZEKE and EDSEL sit down, while HANOVER FISTE, small and shabby, walks up to the witness stand, nervously clutching the small green ball in his hand. As he passes, STERNN and his lawyer continue to argue.


LAWYER
(pleading)

Lissen Sternn ... change the plea to guilty. Throw yerself on the mercy of the court.


STERNN
I told you, Charlie. I got an angle.


HANOVER FISTE is sworn in, as Sternn's lawyer begs.


LAWYER

But the most we can hope for is to get ya buried in secrecy so yer grave don't get violated! Plead guilty!


STERNN

Shut up, Charlie. I got an angle.


LAWYER

What angle?


STERNN
(pointing to Fiste)

Him!



CUT TO WITNESS STAND


PROSECUTOR

State your name for the record.


FISTE
(fidgeting nervously with the green ball)

I am Hanover Fiste.


CUT TO STERNN


STERNN
(winking to lawyer)

I promised him thirty-five thousand
zuleks to testify on my behalf.


CUT BACK TO WITNESS STAND


PROSECUTOR

You know the defendant,
(pointing)
Captain Sternn?


FISTE

Yes, I know Captain Sternn. And
never did there live a kinder, more
generous man. He is an overflowing
cup, filled with the very cream of
human goodness ...


CUT TO STERNN AND HIS LAWYER


STERNN
(to lawyer)

See?


CUT BACK TO WITNESS STAND


FISTE

... in all the time I've known him, he's never done anything immoral ...
(thinking)
unless maybe the Pre-Schooler's Prostitute ring ...


CUT TO


(STERNN AND HIS LAWYER look at each other, shocked.)


STERNN & LAWYER

Huh?!?


CUT BACK TO WITNESS STAND


FISTE
(speaking gently)

... and he's ah, never done anything illegal ...
(turning sharply)
... unless you count all the times he sold dope disguised as a nun!!
(reverting to meekness)
He's always been a good, law-abiding citizen ...
(shouting at himself)
Awww, gimme a break!!
(gentle again)
... of the Federation, and, and ...
(going schizo)
Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!
(gentle, but starting to sweat)
... a community-concious individual, ah, ah ...
(rising in crazed anger)
STERNN!!!
(pointing as he screams)
He's nothin' but a low-down, double-dealin', back-stabbin', larcenous, perverted worm!!


STERNN and his lawyer look on, horrified, as FISTE'S body starts to grow.


FISTE

Hangin's too good for him!!

New muscles tear through FISTE'S shabby clothes.


FISTE

Burnin's too good for him!!


Growing larger, he starts foaming at the mouth.


STERNN

Hanover ...


FISTE

He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!!!


FISTE rams his hands down onto the Witness Stand, shattering
it completely.


STERNN

Hanover ...


FISTE

I'll kill him!


He hurls the Prosecutor aside, and moves towards STERNN with
thundering footsteps.


FISTE

KII - ILLL!!!


Still growing, he rips apart the Judge's bench as he passes it. Finally he stands towering in rage over the terrified STERNN.


STERNN
(to Fiste)

H-h-hey, Hanover ...
n-now take it easy, Hanover,
I'm sure we can talk this ov ...


Instinctively, STERNN leaps back as FISTE'S giant hands come smashing down in the spot where STERNN stood. The gallery scatters screaming as STERNN runs for the door. Slavering, FISTE thunders after him. STERNN runs through the exit, bolting the door behind him. FISTE follows, tearing the door apart, and bringing the entire courtroom wall down in the process.

SQUEEE!

Okay, so today's been a spectacular day. With the exception of vacuuming, the body of the house is now presentable. Both piggies got cages cleaned, I had my therapy appointment, and then Megan hit me with a stunning revelation:

There was enough money in the account to replace some of my desperately worn shoes. With Otakon literally right around the corner, and the heel starting to come off one of my only surviving pair of flats, this was pennies from heaven.

Enter Payless Shoes. The one near me carries all the way up to 13W in womens shoes. So off I bop to do a bit of shopping; just the thing to boost a girl's spirits. :) On my way over, I notice that the tennis shoes I was in (size 11 mens), were practically falling off my feet. Which was really odd, considering they just BARELY fit when I bought them 8 months ago. But then the oddness continues; the 13M's at Payless are too -big-. o.0 A year ago, I could with -effort- shove my foot into a 13, and now... they're too big? Armed with that oddity, I went back to the rack and pulled an 11W, a 12M, and a 12W. The 11W was wishful thinking. :P But I was surprised to find that the 12M -FIT-. In one of the styles I selected, the 12W fit better than the 12M, but still...

What I ended up with was the Bonita Mary Jane and the Marge Comfort Step In (though mine are black, rather than navy)... two pairs of shoes for -under- the $25 Megan said I could use for ONE! (It's a known fact that the poor girl can't find a bargain to save her life. :p)

YAY!

But... what's still puzzling me... I checked with my Dad... and he remembers having to find Mens 12's for me as recently as three years ago. Are my feet shrinking? Am I -not- comdemned to living life as a 6'3" hobbit?

WHEEE!

(no subject)

Just too funny to let pass is this newest lemming from kangitanka3...

Your objective is simple: World Domination

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One:

To begin your plan, you must first Assassinate a Senator. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Demented Madman? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a Robotic Exoskeleton?

Stage Two:

Next, you will Steal the Eiffel Tower. This will cause countless hordes of Mad Scientists to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Fuzzy bunnies, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:

Finally, you will Unleash your Armies of Destruction, bringing about the Dead rising from the Grave. This will all be done from a Abandoned Church, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

Jealous? Click here to generate YOUR master plan...

Heeee. :)

And I really don't remember -who- I filched this one from, but...

Grover on Ecstasy



You're funny, you're loveable, you're entertaining,
you like to call yourself "Super
Grover!"--You're obviously on ecstasy.
But that's why we love you. Be careful, ok?


Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
*peers at the other results and shudders*
As odd as it sounds... this is probably the best result. :p *shakes her head* No X for me, thanks. That's a ride I've managed to avoid, and very much want to keep it that way, yes?

*hugs and reposts and bamfs*