(no subject)
Dec. 6th, 2003 01:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabbitzillaApologies to those who hunted for me tonight and didn't find me; it's been a difficult day above and beyond the normal pain. I... don't know what triggered it, but I... melted down earlier tonight, quietly and alone rather than inflicting it on friends/family/Lady who're already overloaded. I've killed near a pack of cigarettes in the last 7 hours, and somewhere along the line the phones got turned off and the volume and speakers on my computers got shut down as well. I'm... intact. There's been a steady stream of movies playing to keep my focus from turning entirely inwards; I know the carnage that extreme introspection can create entirely too well.
Why did it happen? I... honestly don't know. Last night and early this morning sorted through a lot of backlogged and buried issues, clearing the way for true communication with my Lady; you'd think I would have been joyous, or at least cheery. The last few days have also seen further progress in communication between Megan and I. But things were starting to flake internally by the time I hit my 2pm group therapy session - I slid from manic to maudlin and then repeated the cycle twice more in the course of an hour. That seems to be what prompted me to simply disconnect tonight; I'm -very- aware that my erratic moods and continuing state of personal disaster are a weight on my friends and family, and I knew tonight was going to be bad.
I'm sorry if my absence worried anyone. Knowing what the bad points are like, I'm trying very hard not to panic the people that love me when they hit. Coming out the other side...? This approach may reduce the major frets, but... I need to work harder at letting folks know that I just need a little time to put myself back together instead of simply vanishing. That was an oversight on my part, and I'm honestly sorry if anyone -was- worried. *faint smile* Trying to be 'responsible' about my moodiness is kinda a new thing to me, and I apparently need to keep working on it. Here's to hoping I don't have to practice anytime soon, eh?
In the meantime... given that it's still snowing... I'm likely to be here at the machines tomorrow rather than prowling BestBuy and CompUSA. Smack me around iffn you need to. :p
For the moment.... I'm going to find something to do with myself. Having giggled inanely at Ghost Ship, cried tragically through Eight Legged Freaks, and treated HULK like a high octane chick flick, I really think I'm done watching movies tonight. God only knows what kind of reaction Fight Club or Tomb Raider would pull out of me... and I'm out of kleenex. :p
Maybe a video game...
*HUGS*
Why did it happen? I... honestly don't know. Last night and early this morning sorted through a lot of backlogged and buried issues, clearing the way for true communication with my Lady; you'd think I would have been joyous, or at least cheery. The last few days have also seen further progress in communication between Megan and I. But things were starting to flake internally by the time I hit my 2pm group therapy session - I slid from manic to maudlin and then repeated the cycle twice more in the course of an hour. That seems to be what prompted me to simply disconnect tonight; I'm -very- aware that my erratic moods and continuing state of personal disaster are a weight on my friends and family, and I knew tonight was going to be bad.
I'm sorry if my absence worried anyone. Knowing what the bad points are like, I'm trying very hard not to panic the people that love me when they hit. Coming out the other side...? This approach may reduce the major frets, but... I need to work harder at letting folks know that I just need a little time to put myself back together instead of simply vanishing. That was an oversight on my part, and I'm honestly sorry if anyone -was- worried. *faint smile* Trying to be 'responsible' about my moodiness is kinda a new thing to me, and I apparently need to keep working on it. Here's to hoping I don't have to practice anytime soon, eh?
In the meantime... given that it's still snowing... I'm likely to be here at the machines tomorrow rather than prowling BestBuy and CompUSA. Smack me around iffn you need to. :p
For the moment.... I'm going to find something to do with myself. Having giggled inanely at Ghost Ship, cried tragically through Eight Legged Freaks, and treated HULK like a high octane chick flick, I really think I'm done watching movies tonight. God only knows what kind of reaction Fight Club or Tomb Raider would pull out of me... and I'm out of kleenex. :p
Maybe a video game...
*HUGS*
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 10:32 pm (UTC)Hey, I was curious if you'd be interesting in going out to dinner sometime? ^^
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 10:53 pm (UTC)Not sure yet.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-06 12:47 am (UTC)*hugs again*
Ryn
P.S. Snow is coming this way...we expect to get around 2', but may get as much as 30"!
{{{HUGS}}} coming your way hon
Date: 2003-12-06 07:52 am (UTC)Take care, hon **snugs**
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Date: 2003-12-06 09:02 am (UTC)Lots o snow
Date: 2003-12-06 03:52 pm (UTC)-Jon <<>>UmbroBoy<<>>