cabbitzilla

A lemming from my little sister

rynchan...
You are currently female and were born neuter, and have a neuter's stamina and a female's gentle spirit. You will remember your children's names.

You are currently female and were born neuter, and have a neuter's stamina and a female's gentle spirit. You will remember your children's names.

Take the Jokku Gender Test!

A very interesting resutl. I had a lengthy talk with a fairly new friend Friday afternoon; possibly the first time I've attempted to lay the pattern of my life (and recent discoveries) out in one shot. It was... enlightening, for both of us. So much has happened in the past couple of years that I'd not had a chance to consider things as a whole.
What I know now has been put together in painfully small fragments from multiple sources:

April, 1967: Child is born to Eleanor and Stan, with a full head of hair and a malformed pelvis. Investigation determines that pelvis is halfway between male ideal form and female ideal form; Xrays note presence of 'extra' organs in the abdominal cavity; deemed non obstructive to growth. Father deemed 'difficult' by doctors. Mother advised to raise child as a boy, squash 'feminine' behaviour, told 'He'll never know the difference.' and recommended to keep father in the dark.

Summer, 1969: Child begins manifesting marked tendencies towards 'girl' toys. First parental purge cycle; child's wardrobe cleansed of all pastels. Father learns hints of what the Doctor conferences immediately following birth related to; open warfare begins between parents over secrets. Child has adverse reaction to the shouting matches; pattern of hiding begins. Notes of abnormalities purged from medical records to prevent father from learning the truth.

Late March, 1970: Temporary truce established between parents. Mother confesses to some 'abnormalities' in child's birth, but assures father that the doctors have 'handled it' and that it's resolved.

January, 1971: Second child (daughter - L) is born to Eleanor and Stan. L is born with -notable- pelvic deformity, placed in half body cast to attempt to force joints to grow properly. Temporary truce seems to be holding. First child is fascinated with baby's toys; first real access to 'girl things' achieved.

Mid April, 1971: Child approaches mother, seeking assistance. States in clear terms that 'something is wrong'... states in equally clear terms that 'he' is a -girl-, and it needs to be fixed. Mother reacts with hysterics, screams at child that they're 'an abomination in the eyes of God'. Child is unceremoniously dragged to visit after visit with pulpit pounding Southern Baptist preachers in an effort to 'purge the demons-a' that plague 'him'. Child learns categorically that NO ONE is trustable; pattern of false self presentation begins as a defense. Pattern of hiding reinforced.

Early May, 1971: Truce between parents fails catastrophically when father discovers the 'church visits' and the purpose behind them. Truth of doctor conferences finally revealed to father; renewed warfare escalates into non-reciprocated violence from Mother.

Late May, 1971: Father is advised by attorney now on retainer that the chances of getting custody of either/both of the children are non-existant. Cognizant that the warfare would only continue to escalate, Father makes decision to pack and leave, in hopes that some peace at home would be beneficial to the children. Mother begins devoted campaign to poison both children regarding their father - a steep slope of lies and half-truths that would remain unchallenged until 1997.

June, 1971: Oldest child branded 'troubled'; recommendation made by clinical psychiatrist for institutionalization. Child reacts to criticisms and lecturing by retreating farther from 'reality', and is at all times highly unstable emotionally and weepy. Hidden stash of dolls discovered by mother; child is forced to sit and watch as the dolls are burned and destroyed. Child utters 'I hate you', for the first time, earning a slap to the face that knocked 'him' across the room and into the base of the kitchen cabinets. Bruises are 'explained' to family as clumsiness.

October, 1971: First suicide attempt by eldest child; leaped from the third story roof of townhome. Minor physical damage; child mocked for not being able to do anything correctly. Placed on Dexedrine to make more malleable and controllable. Dosage increased until child is wide-eyed zombie.

June, 1973: First documented instance of rageswell from eldest child; youngest, L (2.5years, playing on front porch with doll), threatened by much older (8, 9, and 9 years) bullies - eldest child used stub handled shovel and beat all three boys senseless. Neighborhood children cautioned to stay away from 'dangerous' 'boy'.

July, 1973: Begining of memory void in eldest child. Period extends to late March 1975. No details available beyond school records; child listed as 'troubled, highly intelligent, emotionally crippled'. Placed in secondary courses for learning disabilities; child is deeply dyslexic. Note is made of a teacher who called child 'Stupid' in front of class; child's documented response was ~I'll show you stupid, bitch.~ First of many disciplinary suspensions.

April, 1975: Child can now speedread; standardized test scores leap into 'brilliant' range. Moved from remedial classes to advanced classes. Noted lack of enthusiasm and motivation; threats of being sent -home- however pull frantic efforts from child. Secondary stash of dolls established in shed behind school.