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Dec. 14th, 2004 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabbitzilla*sigh*
Where has the Ellie been? It's a question I seem to be fielding a lot today, particularly since it's been two days since a post has occurred, and my presence on the various chat systems has been strained and scattered at best. It's been a bumpy few days for me for various reasons; I'll try to summarize, but the folks who don't have the patience for my long and meandering posts just need to know that I'm (relatively) intact.
Most of the recent themes are present here: idiocy of a billing agency, medication woes, financial duress, clumsiness, lack of sleep, and family weirdness. Until today, it'd simply been 'more of the same' of each, twined into an overture of sorts.... today, a new theme got added to the mix which darkens the whole and leaves me both at a loss and sorrowful.
Let's see if I can run down the familiar ones here:
Today... today I find out that I'm losing my therapist of almost two years. A new contract, office politics, and commuting distances have conspired to push Tina to take a contractor slot with NSA providing mental health services; her last day at the clinic is the 27th. I'd finally found a therapist I could -talk- to. Someone I cared enough about that I was willing to dig through my entirely -too- checkered path to try and sort things out. Someone who honestly cared.
It's compounded by the fact that she's also the LCSW that leads the GID group... and is the therapist for three of the other four members. So come Christmas, I lose therapist, group, and fully half of my non-internet social life. The clinic doesn't have anyone else in their employ that can handle the full set of issues that I'm dealing with... which means I'm ... going to be alone again. I'm not sure what to do with this; I've been fighting off tears for almost eight hours, now, and the lack of sleep isn't doing me any favors in the mood department.
*sigh* On the plus side, RO is now reinstalled on my Athlon, so I'll have a place to beat on things and vent a bit. I've reestablished contact with some of the folk I considered precious over on Gaia, so there's that too. I've got folks who get downright militant about how loved and wanted I am.
So why do I feel like I've been locked out in the snow?
Where has the Ellie been? It's a question I seem to be fielding a lot today, particularly since it's been two days since a post has occurred, and my presence on the various chat systems has been strained and scattered at best. It's been a bumpy few days for me for various reasons; I'll try to summarize, but the folks who don't have the patience for my long and meandering posts just need to know that I'm (relatively) intact.
Most of the recent themes are present here: idiocy of a billing agency, medication woes, financial duress, clumsiness, lack of sleep, and family weirdness. Until today, it'd simply been 'more of the same' of each, twined into an overture of sorts.... today, a new theme got added to the mix which darkens the whole and leaves me both at a loss and sorrowful.
Let's see if I can run down the familiar ones here:
- Billing Idiocy - According to the AT&T statement I have here on my desk, the due date is December 27th... there's no previous balance, no late fees, not past due charges. But none of that apparently makes any difference at all, since they turned my fucking phone off Saturday night at 12:01 AM. December 11th. Much shouting, screaming, and ranting is being done here.
- Medication Woes - In a dazzling display of brilliance, I managed to LOSE the written prescription for the amitriptyline I've been given to try and help me sleep. I managed a short nap today, and otherwise had been operational without real rest since the wee hours of Saturday morning. I managed to get worked in three days early at the doc's today, and have since filled all of the lapsed meds, so I -will- sleep tonight. Dammit.
- Financial Duress - I don't figure I need to say much here. Just add what's become my 'normal' financial nightmare and add to it that AT&T is insisting on a $97 service reactivation fee. MORE shouting, screaming, and ranting.
- Clumsiness - Friday I managed to dump a bit over a quart of lemonade into one of my precious Model M keyboards. It's currently hung up to dry after having been washed out, and my spare is here for the moment.
- Lack of Sleep - Look up at the med's woes. Same fat time, same fat channel...
- Family - A very long and unusual conversation with my mother. This is one of the few -good- points... but I'm simply too worn to try and go through it all right now. Just... very odd.
Today... today I find out that I'm losing my therapist of almost two years. A new contract, office politics, and commuting distances have conspired to push Tina to take a contractor slot with NSA providing mental health services; her last day at the clinic is the 27th. I'd finally found a therapist I could -talk- to. Someone I cared enough about that I was willing to dig through my entirely -too- checkered path to try and sort things out. Someone who honestly cared.
It's compounded by the fact that she's also the LCSW that leads the GID group... and is the therapist for three of the other four members. So come Christmas, I lose therapist, group, and fully half of my non-internet social life. The clinic doesn't have anyone else in their employ that can handle the full set of issues that I'm dealing with... which means I'm ... going to be alone again. I'm not sure what to do with this; I've been fighting off tears for almost eight hours, now, and the lack of sleep isn't doing me any favors in the mood department.
*sigh* On the plus side, RO is now reinstalled on my Athlon, so I'll have a place to beat on things and vent a bit. I've reestablished contact with some of the folk I considered precious over on Gaia, so there's that too. I've got folks who get downright militant about how loved and wanted I am.
So why do I feel like I've been locked out in the snow?
