You have no idea, luv, how glad I am to see you start to express these things. I know that this is only the surface, only the beginning of a huge well of thoughts and feelings that lie beneath the relatively calm surface that you show the world...and I hope that this small tapping into those depths continues and grows. There ARE those of us out here who will not run screaming, nor will we drag you to a pastor to have the demons cast out. Worst case scenario is that we'll hug you til you complain you can't breathe.
And yes, I do tend to lead the charge on that one particular question because, to be my usual blunt, honest self, she's NEVER going to 'not need you'. We've watched this situation for several years now, hon, and she's never going to grow up enough to stand on her own, she's always going to need someone and won't change, unless she's forced to do so through rather abrupt means. I know that's harsh of me to say, but it's true, and I think that you know it deep down too.
Do I want to see her hurt? No. We consider her to be a friend too, but if it comes down to watching you die a slow, miserable death wrapping yourself tighter and tighter in the cocoon you're weaving around yourself just so that she doesn't have to face the world, or having her go through a short rough growing period only to come out either stronger...or with someone else to babysit her...then I'll take the latter. Because the latter means that you would finally be free to start doing the things that YOU need to do to serve YOURSELF for a change. And yes, luv, that IS part of service. You can't serve others if you're not pulled together in and of yourself first. And I think that you know better than tell me that I don't know whereof I speak on this issue.
I push you. I know that I do. Because you've stopped pushing yourself and you're just floating in this haze of pain and medication and fading dreams. It hurts to see you like that, and if I had the money, you would be the first to get it because I would give it so very willingly to see you on the road to a happier existence.
I don't have the money. I do have a place that you can come and live and be the live in maid if that's what makes you happy until we can move on the other parts of things. I'll even turn my precious kitchen over to you (for the most part...I still wanna cook sometimes!). If that's what it takes, then that's what we are WILLING to do!!!
Keep talking, keep opening up little by little, and let your friends...your real and true friends...do what we CAN do to help you. That's how you can best serve all of us right now.
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timeasmymeasure
Thank you.
Date: 2002-10-14 09:04 am (UTC)And yes, I do tend to lead the charge on that one particular question because, to be my usual blunt, honest self, she's NEVER going to 'not need you'. We've watched this situation for several years now, hon, and she's never going to grow up enough to stand on her own, she's always going to need someone and won't change, unless she's forced to do so through rather abrupt means. I know that's harsh of me to say, but it's true, and I think that you know it deep down too.
Do I want to see her hurt? No. We consider her to be a friend too, but if it comes down to watching you die a slow, miserable death wrapping yourself tighter and tighter in the cocoon you're weaving around yourself just so that she doesn't have to face the world, or having her go through a short rough growing period only to come out either stronger...or with someone else to babysit her...then I'll take the latter. Because the latter means that you would finally be free to start doing the things that YOU need to do to serve YOURSELF for a change. And yes, luv, that IS part of service. You can't serve others if you're not pulled together in and of yourself first. And I think that you know better than tell me that I don't know whereof I speak on this issue.
I push you. I know that I do. Because you've stopped pushing yourself and you're just floating in this haze of pain and medication and fading dreams. It hurts to see you like that, and if I had the money, you would be the first to get it because I would give it so very willingly to see you on the road to a happier existence.
I don't have the money. I do have a place that you can come and live and be the live in maid if that's what makes you happy until we can move on the other parts of things. I'll even turn my precious kitchen over to you (for the most part...I still wanna cook sometimes!). If that's what it takes, then that's what we are WILLING to do!!!
Keep talking, keep opening up little by little, and let your friends...your real and true friends...do what we CAN do to help you. That's how you can best serve all of us right now.
I love you very much.