Thursday, December 14, 2000

Exhale. Bad day. Back and hips are on fire. Four tries to get out of the waterbed. Maybe I should ditch it for a conventional matress. Hrm. Can't do too many changes until Megan's squared away. Wobbled to the bathroom, then into the computer room and collapsed in my chair. Rummage around and take today's fist full of pills. So many bottles. Peek out the window, since snow had be predicted. It's wet outside, but no snow. Goddess, why does it have to be so cold?
Kicked Dragonfire out of idle mode, popped the gateway over, poked at my mail. Letter from Snowy.. poor love sounds so lonely. Maybe once Megan's settled and happy, I can drag her over. I don't think she'd spazz about sharing a room, and it'd be nice to have someone here that genuinely understands.
Logged through B5, spent some time over on Legacy Born... I really wish more people were on during the day... I'm not worth much come evening time. Well, maybe I can

*blink*

*sigh* Went to sleep again. No clue what I was going to do. I... wish it didn't just hit me like that. If it gave me some warning, then maybe I could cope. I miss driving... I miss my job. And now I'm crying again. Too many changes, way too fas

Dammit. Way too fast. No wonder I get clobbered in Quake... I can't stay awake to save my sorry life.

Well, 's not all bad, at least. The slashes on my face are nearly healed, which will mean I can shave and do my makeup again. *soft smile* Funny how that just seems to cheer me up. Maybe I'll work on my nails today... that'd be fun. They need to be shaped again anyway. Eventually, I'm going to need to be presentable, to meet my Darling... chills... *smile* He's such a wonderful man, so kind and gentle and loving. And I've surrendered my heart to this man, sight unseen... and I don't worry about it, truthfully. I know that he's my One, I just need to hold things together until I'm fixed, and then everything will be perfect. Hrrm. Someone wants the phone. I don't know if that'll squick this or not so I'll submit now. 3:45pm Eastern

Thursday, December 14, 2000 - Eveningtime - 6:16pm Eastern

I may well even sleep tonight; I just got off the phone with the branch manager of the CitiFinancial here local... she's managed to... well... work some sort of magic with our account to buy us some time to get the disability forms squared away. One down. Yesterday's mail brought the paperwork to apply for the LTD from the college. Between the two, it'll pull things far enough up that maybe I'll quit crying after the mail arrives.
And I've got things back up online again.... I was completely locked offline last night by one of the housemates... tonight -I- have precedence. At least until 8pm.... can't miss wresting, now can I? *^.^* Besides, it's a good opportunity to appreciate a bit of eye candy. It's something to take my mind off things for a bit, at the very least.
All things considered, I think I'm adapting to being near totally housebound fairly well. With winter settling in to give us an icy hell, the fibromyalgia has kicked up a storm. Last winter there were days that I wasn't able to even get out of bed, except to crawl to the bathroom... I hope things don't get that bad this time around. I'm pretty sure that I'll be doing the bulk of the winter alone... well, the trio of housemates will be here, but that won't help me much when I can't get up off the toilet. :p
Maybe I'll fire up one or two of the chat clients, and see who's on.
Rowan and Katling. *blink* Oh.. my.... I.. I really need to find something to send to Rowan for Yule. She's so nice to me... I just don't know what to do sometimes and I always seem to chase her off by being grateful. No money... I ... I wonder if she likes stuffed animals. There are... one or two that are... precious... maybe the little grey bunny... I've had that one for so long. And the two others that sit on that shelf. Maybe. They're just silly stuffed animals... but they've been friends to me for so very long. Maybe I can give my friends new friends... someone to cuddle with when the world goes bugshit.

*&^%&**&^*(%*

Another fraggin NutScrape crash. *sigh* I -really- need to find a time when nobody else is home, and pull down the rest of the pieces to Galeon. Even Internut Exploder didn't crash this much. Oh well. I'll go back to poking around on LJ sites. Found some folks who look like they might well be interesting and interested in talking. Friends are always needed, given what I've got on my agenda for January. I expect that that move will strip me of the few family members that speak to me... but it's something that has to be done.

*muttermuttergrumbleBITE*

Telephone debt collection people should all be put to the Burning (ask me sometime, right now I'm tuning the laser).

And when did Oliver (my Guinea Pig... or maybe I'm his Human) become a rocket scientist? The little fur ball managed to completely disassemble the ramp/exercise space I'd created and chew a hole though my MS Publisher 98. I didn't realize that rodentia hated Bill Gates as much as I did... but to eat the only package I'd had to actually buy?? *sigh*

It really has been that kind of night. Maybe food will help.

Yay! He's on, he's on, he's on!

Oh, he is -the- most wonderful man. I can think of one or two that get damn close, but he just makes me all swimmy just chatting with him! *giggle* Instant mood upshoot. :) And I'd worry about it if it faded immediately after he left... but just a few minutes can keep me running for a day or three. There's so very much that needs to be done before I'll be suitable for him... I wonder if I can sell some of my books. That might pay for a couple of zap sessions... it'd be a start, at least. Well, anyway, I need to go grab a shower. New sheets on the waterbed tonight, which means extra lotion. New sheets are always so scratchy.