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Aug. 3rd, 2003 08:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabbitzillaSofa's cleaned. For the first time in two years, the entire thing is cleared off.
I'm tired. So very tired. I want to be -home-, and that's not here, anymore... and while here hasn't been 'home' for a long while, there's a newer and deeper call to contend with now. There's a driving need to -fix- this place, inside and out, so that I can pack and leave honorably; as Lys knows from frequent messaged shoving matches with me, I'm unwilling (even unABLE) to do otherwise. So the work here will continue, in spite of my tiredness when need be, because there's a Call to be somewhere else. I... I think the most rattling thing about being here is the bed I sleep in; it -feels- wrong. The beds at the hotel at AC, while being the typical not-as-comfy-as-you'd-think hotel beds.... it felt right. I could stretch out my hand and touch my Lady. Sleeping is proving interesting with this new factor involved; I get better rest on the sofa than on the bed. I suspect that's because my mind has the sofa classed for 'naps'... and sleeping requires Her presence.
Given how utterly hashed my sleeping has been dealing with the FMS.... Mistress? /DID/ I sleep at AC? Or did I toss and thrash and sometimes get up and pace the floor? I... don't remember. I just remember being warm.
In spite of what my legion of worriers might think, my mood hasn't slipped; it's still ... far higher than what had become my norm. Still high enough that it's freaking Megan out at odd intervals. I'm just... thoughtful.
And you know? It's nice to be able to hit 'thoughtful' via something other than depression...
I'm tired. So very tired. I want to be -home-, and that's not here, anymore... and while here hasn't been 'home' for a long while, there's a newer and deeper call to contend with now. There's a driving need to -fix- this place, inside and out, so that I can pack and leave honorably; as Lys knows from frequent messaged shoving matches with me, I'm unwilling (even unABLE) to do otherwise. So the work here will continue, in spite of my tiredness when need be, because there's a Call to be somewhere else. I... I think the most rattling thing about being here is the bed I sleep in; it -feels- wrong. The beds at the hotel at AC, while being the typical not-as-comfy-as-you'd-think hotel beds.... it felt right. I could stretch out my hand and touch my Lady. Sleeping is proving interesting with this new factor involved; I get better rest on the sofa than on the bed. I suspect that's because my mind has the sofa classed for 'naps'... and sleeping requires Her presence.
Given how utterly hashed my sleeping has been dealing with the FMS.... Mistress? /DID/ I sleep at AC? Or did I toss and thrash and sometimes get up and pace the floor? I... don't remember. I just remember being warm.
In spite of what my legion of worriers might think, my mood hasn't slipped; it's still ... far higher than what had become my norm. Still high enough that it's freaking Megan out at odd intervals. I'm just... thoughtful.
And you know? It's nice to be able to hit 'thoughtful' via something other than depression...
