Yes, she's manipulating you. Yes, she's been doing it for some time. Yes, she knows exactly which buttons to push to keep her world 'safe'. Yes, this is a hard situation for her too, and yes, she doesn't want to have to grow up.
As Shado said, she's undoubtedly feeling like part of this whole thing is her 'fault', if you can call it fault. After all, you were a strong, solid man when she married you, right? So what did she do that would cause you to not only become so physically weak (never mind that the illness would've happened anyway) and what did she do to make you suddenly want to become a woman (never mind that this was something that you'd been dealing with and known since you were young)? I would guess that she's thinking that if she can keep you where you are for long enough, you'll get over it all...get past it...and things can go back to how they were once.
We all know it won't be that way, though, and she probably knows too deep inside, but that doesn't mean it won't keep her from trying. I love Megan, but she's not the most mature or grown up person in the world. She's never HAD to be. Her family took care of her, and when she left them, YOU took care of her...and despite everything, you still do. It's time for Megan to start taking care of herself, but it's not going to happen as long as things continue as they are, and she knows that. So, since she's scared of having to take responsibility for her own life, she's fighting as hard as she can to keep you where you are.
This isn't good for her, it isn't good for you. The only solution that I can see is divorce. I know that you wanted to have certain financial things dealt with first, but...love...it's just not realistic any more. And if you keep putting things off like that, you're just allowing the games that she's playing to work. It's time that you two went your own ways.
As for the next thing I'm going to say, it's not just 'move to Texas', okay? So don't get all snippy or defensive. I /know/ that you've been waiting for money situations to even out first because if you leave her, you don't have much in the way of income. Don't let that be the lever that keeps you in place. We'll put you on our futon if we have to, okay? Trust me, we could use someone to keep house right now *looks around at living room and sighs*. So I'm not saying 'move to Texas', but I AM saying 'don't let money be the issue that holds you there'.
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timeasmymeasure
My thoughts
Date: 2002-10-19 12:43 pm (UTC)As Shado said, she's undoubtedly feeling like part of this whole thing is her 'fault', if you can call it fault. After all, you were a strong, solid man when she married you, right? So what did she do that would cause you to not only become so physically weak (never mind that the illness would've happened anyway) and what did she do to make you suddenly want to become a woman (never mind that this was something that you'd been dealing with and known since you were young)? I would guess that she's thinking that if she can keep you where you are for long enough, you'll get over it all...get past it...and things can go back to how they were once.
We all know it won't be that way, though, and she probably knows too deep inside, but that doesn't mean it won't keep her from trying. I love Megan, but she's not the most mature or grown up person in the world. She's never HAD to be. Her family took care of her, and when she left them, YOU took care of her...and despite everything, you still do. It's time for Megan to start taking care of herself, but it's not going to happen as long as things continue as they are, and she knows that. So, since she's scared of having to take responsibility for her own life, she's fighting as hard as she can to keep you where you are.
This isn't good for her, it isn't good for you. The only solution that I can see is divorce. I know that you wanted to have certain financial things dealt with first, but...love...it's just not realistic any more. And if you keep putting things off like that, you're just allowing the games that she's playing to work. It's time that you two went your own ways.
As for the next thing I'm going to say, it's not just 'move to Texas', okay? So don't get all snippy or defensive. I /know/ that you've been waiting for money situations to even out first because if you leave her, you don't have much in the way of income. Don't let that be the lever that keeps you in place. We'll put you on our futon if we have to, okay? Trust me, we could use someone to keep house right now *looks around at living room and sighs*. So I'm not saying 'move to Texas', but I AM saying 'don't let money be the issue that holds you there'.
Okay?
Luv you.