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Apr. 8th, 2004 10:42 pmI've been trapped offline all day; the DSL went out yesterday and just kept right on being out today... when I had to leave the phone free for a call from my Doctor's office. I've tried to keep myself amused with music from The Darkness, Rob Dougan, and Tom Smith, the solitaire program on the machine running Mandrake Move in the bedroom, and Inspector Parker (linked for interested folks, Win32 only. I'm sorry. I dearly wish they'd do a linux or OS X version of this).
My appointment with the psych was today.. which added ANOTHER person to the list of folks worried about me and checking up on me. (He called about two hours ago... I just -saw- the man at 3:30 today!). *blinks* I must not be explaining my mindset properly.... while I'm far from stable, I'm NOT a danger to myself. This is really very odd, and a bit worrying to -me-; are they seeing something that I'm not?
Like I needed any help with paranoia, you know? o.0
At any rate, my medications have been changed and hopefully this combination will work properly. The Desyrel (trazadone HCI) that I'd been taking to help me sleep has been supplanted by Amitriptyline... with directions to supplement it with a half dose of trazadone if it doesn't put me out within three hours. The Lexapro (escitalopram oxalate) that was proving non-functional in giving me a crowbar against the depression and panic attacks has been discontinued, replaced completely by Lamictal (lamotrigine)... which is apparently something new that Johns Hopkins has been doing medical trials on.
While I'm in fairly level condition at the moment, today's been fairly rough.. and included me utterly flipping out on Megan over the changing of a radio station preset. At the time, it was all I could do to keep things from ramping up further; there was no extra processing power to take a look at the situation rationally... I knew if I let go of the anger, all hell would break loose. If you've never had circumstances arise that leave you a desperate passenger in your own mind, you'd likely not understand this. It... has been a good many years since the Beast truly walked free. It's something that needs to never ever happen again.
I've got enough blood on my hands as it is.
*pokes the dialup* Well, this seems fairly stable, at any rate. *fires up FireChat* Looks like I'm stuck out here for the evening. At least one of my connection methods works. :p
*hugs tightly*
My appointment with the psych was today.. which added ANOTHER person to the list of folks worried about me and checking up on me. (He called about two hours ago... I just -saw- the man at 3:30 today!). *blinks* I must not be explaining my mindset properly.... while I'm far from stable, I'm NOT a danger to myself. This is really very odd, and a bit worrying to -me-; are they seeing something that I'm not?
Like I needed any help with paranoia, you know? o.0
At any rate, my medications have been changed and hopefully this combination will work properly. The Desyrel (trazadone HCI) that I'd been taking to help me sleep has been supplanted by Amitriptyline... with directions to supplement it with a half dose of trazadone if it doesn't put me out within three hours. The Lexapro (escitalopram oxalate) that was proving non-functional in giving me a crowbar against the depression and panic attacks has been discontinued, replaced completely by Lamictal (lamotrigine)... which is apparently something new that Johns Hopkins has been doing medical trials on.
While I'm in fairly level condition at the moment, today's been fairly rough.. and included me utterly flipping out on Megan over the changing of a radio station preset. At the time, it was all I could do to keep things from ramping up further; there was no extra processing power to take a look at the situation rationally... I knew if I let go of the anger, all hell would break loose. If you've never had circumstances arise that leave you a desperate passenger in your own mind, you'd likely not understand this. It... has been a good many years since the Beast truly walked free. It's something that needs to never ever happen again.
I've got enough blood on my hands as it is.
*pokes the dialup* Well, this seems fairly stable, at any rate. *fires up FireChat* Looks like I'm stuck out here for the evening. At least one of my connection methods works. :p
*hugs tightly*
