.... cause waking up is hard on you...

Morning. I used to celebrate Fridays... just another blur, now. But it looks to be a half decent day, at least on the surface. I need to clean Ollie's cage, and do some more laundry, but that's no biggie, really. So that gives me another day here on my console... my window to the world. Got some things to look up, too... a couple of ideas/techniques that may well finance the changes I've got to do. Electro, 'mones, and then under the knife. Two years... a long time... but every step is a good one.

So, good morning! What the heck, it might even -be- a good day. Rough one on the pain scales, though. With a bit of luck I can cudgel Rachel into cleaning the bathroom like she promised. Well, I should probably check my mail, eh? Toodles!

(no subject)

One of the folks on the TransFurred eGroups list that I'm on coded in the Bem Sex Role Inventory test, using information gathered from other sites and some very nice code. And the results weren't much of a surprise to me:
MALE SCORE: 55
FEMALE SCORE: 124
NEUTRAL SCORE: 90
BEM SCORE (M - F) -69
You are Feminine

And should anyone come across this, and be curious, the test is currently at http://fox.twu.net/bem.html but I'm not sure how long she'll leave it up. As for me, it's reassuring that what I'm doing is indeed the right path. That seems to be the bulk of my email this morning... I need to make a post or two to TransLocomotion, and then maybe poke at the MU*'s a bit. Maybe I'll work on my website a bit.

Well, isn't this interesting...

The RPM archives for Mandrake 7.0 seem to have vanished. Hrm. Probably going to have to buy 7.2 and upgrade this beasty. *chuckle* An excuse to tinker! Yay!

As a side note, apparently guinea pigs, or at least mine, have no appreciation of Adam Ant. Silly fuzzball.

Bingo!

Found a server that's still got all the Mandrake Linux 7.0 files. Had to go to Denmark to do it, but that's not a worry of mine. Hehe. :)

Well, at least I can get the rest of the Devel RPMs installed. Wheee! Even Ollie's jumping around. I need to pull all the RPMs down, just in case. 700megs of info on a 56k modem... NOT! *giggle*

mrrpht!

I want.... Gods, I'm in need. It's been hitting me on and off for about three months now, getting stronger and more frequent as time passes. While I'm -thrilled- that my libido isn't dead after all, it... creates difficulties. I know who I am, but... things don't match up. But what I need... And I /can't/... I don't want to risk losing my One, just because I'm impatient. *bangs her head on the desk*. It's going to be a long two years, I think.

Get moving!

Time to pull out the mirror and razors... there's a ton of touchups to do. I -hate- all this body hair; electrolysis will be a blessing no matter -how much it hurts. Once I'm cleaned up, I'll take a look at what I've got and decide on an outfit.

Shopping List:
Tights/Pantyhose: 2 Black Opaque, 1 Brown Opaque, 1 Navy Opaque, 3 Suntouched Sheer
Skirts: 1 solid Black, mid calf, belled; 1 solid Maroon or Burgundy, knee length
Nail Polish Remover!!!!


Still need to get my ears pierced. If I start the zap treatments in January, I should be able to go full time live by my birthday. :) Now -that- is a marvelous gift. A major step towards being me. The only bad part is that I think it's going to strip me of the vast majority of friends and family, at least the ones here local. My net friends are my support network... they'll likely end up all I have.

I had thought to not connect this journal thingy to the website I'm working on, but.... I may as well. I've set the silly thing public, so anyone can stumble across it. Hrm. Well, the worst it'll do is get met flamed. I can delete those.

*smirk*

I seem to chatter a lot, here. Oh well. The computer and the guinea pig are all I have to talk to, for the most part. I guess I'll just have a busy journal. Oh! Gotta do laundry!

Thbt!

Well, NutScrape's done its little crash and burn thing. Heh. It lasted for two hours... it's getting better. :p

Thankfully, StarOffice functions as a browser as well. I -really- need to pull Galeon down.

Plink

Dropped a quick note to the TLoco list about this place. It's actually a good idea, really. *sigh* Well, I can't say that my mood has crashed... it just sorta drifted down. Lots to do, today... hopefully I'll get to say 'hi' to my sweetie when he's home on his lunch break. That always boosts my mood, it seems. I can function without him, I'm sure... but I don't want to. When I talk to him, I feel... I feel pretty, and content, and warm, and loved. The framework exists, but he lights it up so well. I just hope he'll still want me after he meets me. I look in the mirror, and what I see isn't homely, but it's not beautiful, either. So much to do... weight to lose, electro, 'mones, the slice and dice... so very long. Gods, but I could use a hug right about now.

*blink*

Nuts. I really really dislike that. I even go to sleep in mid meal! Anyway, laundry laundry laundry...

whee :p

How in the world can two people use this much clothing?

*chuckle* Set phasers on 'Wash and Rinse'!

Did someone say.... cheesedip?

Lunchtime... more laundry... I'll do the shaving after I eat, but I need to figure out what lunch is. Hrm. I keep contemplating the 'make money fast' infomercial that I saw this morning. Eh, I'll look around, and see what it really is.

Ah HAH!

Macaroni and cheese: the meal of... housebound dolls. Or something.

*pacepacepace* I hope things go well tonight. There're a whole lot of things waiting for a positive resolution, but I need to know Megan's -happy- before I can move on with what I need to do. I won't leave her hanging, regardless. What I see, and what all the throws point to... It would be wonderful. I know she'd be as happy as she'd ever been, more than likely happier than she's ever been with me. I... I never meant, never intended, never envisioned this kind of chaos. She's put up with so very much, and tried to be supportive... and I'm off in left field somewhere, discovering just how badly I've fouled things up.

Tonight can change all of that... if it just works properly, then everything will sort out in a few short weeks. Megan'll be happy, she'll be well off, her folks will be shocked at first, but pleased that she's gotten away from me, her extended family will be thrilled to hear that I'm gone, and maybe, just maybe... maybe things will sort out for me as well. Not being able to work is a major problem, but if things go well with the LTD from the college and SSDI, I'll at least be able to live halfway decent. Please, Bright Lady... the cards speak of it... I see it... she can -feel- it.... please let it be.

Mellowing... contemplating... dressing...

*slow smile* Spending an afternoon to get dressed and ready, no pressure, no deadline.... taking the time to make it as flawless as possible ... can be -so- relaxing. Well, after you find your shoes, anyway. :p

I think I need to add stockings and a garter belt to my shopping list. Pantyhose and tights simply won't work once I'm steady back into my corset.

UPS just stopped by... oh, my sweetheart has got to be the most darling, precious man alive. I wonder what's in the wrapped box... but seven new novels, and a pair of Japanese monster movies! I think I've died and gone to heaven, here. :)

Beloved, if you someday wander through here... I love you. Heart, mind, and soul. I would make you my world, and live my life for your smile. Just the thought of having a chance to have you near someday makes me weak in the knees.

I... I'm going to stop gushing now. I think. Maybe I'll just go daydream...

*giggle*

And my darling is psychic, as well. Seven books he sent, all written by Steve Perry (had I told him I had a passion for hard edged science fiction?). Looking at the chronologies inside the covers, he sent me all seven (the first seven?) books of the Matador series. And as I'm reading the backs, my eyes flick to the bookshelf across the room... where another Steve Perry book sits. And I'm wozzled at the fact that he hit an entire -series- that I didn't have... and sent all of them.

Love, you are amazing!