cabbitzilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cabbitzilla) wrote2010-05-29 09:51 am
cabbitzilla) wrote2010-05-29 09:51 am
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A real update of sorts. My need to post here seems to rely a good bit on my mood; if I'm not happy, I'm hunting for something to post about. My mood's been considerably better that average for nearly three weeks, which is positively extraordinary for me. Before this stretch, the best I'd been able to manage was a day or two before another total crash. It's why my mood in general over the last decade plus been tentative at best - I knew a crash was right around the corner, so there was no sense letting myself ramp up into the good mood that would've put a smile on my face.
What's up with that? I've had almost two dozen folks contact me via IM and/or eMail trying to find out why I'd vanished, and every single one of them was left staring at me and wondering when the pod people had replaced me with a clone. There was -one- flashcrash, just a tiny one that lasted less than two hours. Steve and Lisey were there to make the catch and the took the time out of their busy schedules to bolt me back together to the point where I could do it myself. I owe them both quite a bit for that.
What changed? Well, the only thing that's changed over the last month is the amount of time I've spent in Second Life, and my relationships within that context. As the friendships and affection levels increased, so did my mood. A loving partner (Krissy), an Owner (Momma in SL) I adore, and the extended family of Mr D. About a week and a half back I was adopted into Mr D's family, and I thought they were going to have to get a spatula to try and pry me loose. My close family of three total nearly tripled with the addition of the larger family. Mr D, Miss L, and the quartet of us under them. Relationships need notecards to map out, and I'm not even going to try at it here.
A good many folk would discard SL completely, but those folk are the ones who use it as a roleplay environment. For me, it's the red carpet path to simply being -me-; no battered body, fewer holes in my mind and the opportunity to simply -be- without the Alpha mask I've been wearing in public for years. A lot of people simply can't cope with someone my size (6'3" in stockings, weight WAY too much) being meek, so I give them something they can handle - booming voice/laughter, aggressive attitude and very territorial. After a full shift at work wearing it I'm exhausted and ready for a nice nap. And then I generally operate in a much more passive mode until it's time to go back to work.The mask is heavy, and it's getting harder and here to fix and carry. Blessedly the big project at work that I've been ramrodding through is done; one more spot where I need more cabling and we can lock it all down and be done with it once and for all.
For the first time in well over a decade I have both sets of family operational, freeing me to simply be myself. It's been wonderful. I don't know how long this will carry me, but I'm determined to riding the wave until it crashes and burns. I'm enjoying every second of it. And that's the state of the cabbit, as far as news goes.
I love you all. Peace.
What's up with that? I've had almost two dozen folks contact me via IM and/or eMail trying to find out why I'd vanished, and every single one of them was left staring at me and wondering when the pod people had replaced me with a clone. There was -one- flashcrash, just a tiny one that lasted less than two hours. Steve and Lisey were there to make the catch and the took the time out of their busy schedules to bolt me back together to the point where I could do it myself. I owe them both quite a bit for that.
What changed? Well, the only thing that's changed over the last month is the amount of time I've spent in Second Life, and my relationships within that context. As the friendships and affection levels increased, so did my mood. A loving partner (Krissy), an Owner (Momma in SL) I adore, and the extended family of Mr D. About a week and a half back I was adopted into Mr D's family, and I thought they were going to have to get a spatula to try and pry me loose. My close family of three total nearly tripled with the addition of the larger family. Mr D, Miss L, and the quartet of us under them. Relationships need notecards to map out, and I'm not even going to try at it here.
A good many folk would discard SL completely, but those folk are the ones who use it as a roleplay environment. For me, it's the red carpet path to simply being -me-; no battered body, fewer holes in my mind and the opportunity to simply -be- without the Alpha mask I've been wearing in public for years. A lot of people simply can't cope with someone my size (6'3" in stockings, weight WAY too much) being meek, so I give them something they can handle - booming voice/laughter, aggressive attitude and very territorial. After a full shift at work wearing it I'm exhausted and ready for a nice nap. And then I generally operate in a much more passive mode until it's time to go back to work.The mask is heavy, and it's getting harder and here to fix and carry. Blessedly the big project at work that I've been ramrodding through is done; one more spot where I need more cabling and we can lock it all down and be done with it once and for all.
For the first time in well over a decade I have both sets of family operational, freeing me to simply be myself. It's been wonderful. I don't know how long this will carry me, but I'm determined to riding the wave until it crashes and burns. I'm enjoying every second of it. And that's the state of the cabbit, as far as news goes.
I love you all. Peace.
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I do recommend SL. I think you'd find it relaxing. *hugs*
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*hugs*
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From the times I've visited you there, you've gotten in with a group of good people and I'm glad it's paying back for you.
*hugs*