A man who went to church with his wife, always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "....and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th.." she poked her husband who came flying out of the pew and screamed, "Good God almighty!".
The minister said "That's right, that's right." and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath and later began to doze off again. When the minister got to ".... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins....." the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted, "Jesus Christ". The minister said, "that's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to " .... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband again, but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'll break it off!" | When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.
His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to the moon.
When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.
The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe.
They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these assholes. They have come to steal your land." | A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninthunder the baton of Milton Katims...
At this point, you must understand two things:- There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.
- There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.
It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.
Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."
Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."
So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble.
Katims was furious! And why not? After all...
It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded... |
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I'm in the process of getting myself packed and ready to go; I'll be house-sitting again for about the next week and a half. The fact that it's currently pouring down rain isn't helping me much on the 'get moving' scale, either. Bloody annoying, it is.
*giggles softly* Here's a cute link:
If Operating Systems Were BeersAnyway, time to get stuff done. *hugs*
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cabbitzilla) wrote2005-03-23 12:33 pm
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Essentially the same as UNIX beer, except comes in a stupid-looking blue-and-white can that makes it look like a three-year-old schizophrenic who was subject to epilepsy and given half of an eight-color Crayola box designed it. Fortunately, substantial numbers of people who aren't epileptic, schizophrenic children have made cans that look better.