2002-03-26

cabbitzilla: (Default)
2002-03-26 02:07 am

Epiphany

I think I understand, now.
Recently I ... had the helm of TR dumped in my lap, and have been battling to try and sort out staff tensions, code headaches, and the twink subset that plagues most every game.
I'm burning out fast, and I know it. I've become snappish, crisp, and taken to hiding.

It occured to me that this... this set of responses... this is what I saw in M on B5... what worried me so very much, and what defeated my every attempt to try and help. What finally resulted in the shattering of several friendships.

If this is the road she walked... is there any other path than the destruction at the end? Is that what she wanted, or did she do this wondering and searching as well?

I'm pinned in place. I took the reigns in an effort to save TR from self annihilation... and ended up the target myself. This staffer dislikes that staffer, who doesn't trust -that- staffer, who thinks I favor /that/ staffer.... and on and on and on. Characters go IC without any sanity checks from staff, and Backgrounds are cursory at best. Every effort I've made towards change has been met with resistance, to the point where I simply want a large bat to beat people with.

If I leave, the place is likely to self destruct in short order. If I stay, it may well kill me. M, lovie, if you're still out there reading... is this what you were dealing with? Is there an honorable out that I've missed?

*sigh* This wouldn't hurt so badly if TR weren't a favorite game of mine...

~Elisabeth