cabbitzilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cabbitzilla) wrote2002-10-11 04:09 pm
cabbitzilla) wrote2002-10-11 04:09 pm
(no subject)
There. Fixed the errant journal html. Sorry, wibbble...
Deleted the duplicate posting from a couple days back, not sure what happened there.
Time for a cig, I think. I wish the rain would go away.... in addition to kicking my pain levels way too high, it has a less than healthy impact on my emotional state. Right now, the world is very very bleak...
I'm tired of hurting.
I'm tired of knowing it won't get any better.
I'm tired of trying to 'be strong' and not whine about it all.
I'm tired of having old friends look at me as a lazy bum.
I'm tired of talking to former coworkers, and getting that 'you look pathetic' look from them.
I'm tired of being trapped in a 'can't move' situation at home.
I'm tired of being told by my housemate how much -she- hurts and how tired -she- is, when I /rarely/ make mention of my own situation.
I'm tired of being bound by my own honor to a no-win situation.
*sigh* God, I sound like the ultimate whiney spoiled kid. :( But it's the truth... the few folks that read my journal are all fairly aware of my current position. The Fibromyalgia diagnosis remains in place; no cure, medicate for life. The damage done by the strokes (3 of them, about 2 years ago) is... quite damning, sometimes. My mind is not intact, and it's galling. And for those I've not told: my doctor has given another tentative diagnosis - Myasthenia Gravis. It's unconfirmed, as I lack the fairly -sizeable- amounts of cash to have the neural function tests done... but it would explain quite a bit. Sudden muscle failures, sudden crippling disorientation... going to the store can be -real- exciting.
I probably shouldn't babble on like this, but I need to let it out somewhere. I guess putting it all here will at least let folks know what's going on, and why I'm so erratic. I'm sorry, darlings; I'm tired. Far more tired than a 35yo has /any/ right to be...
Deleted the duplicate posting from a couple days back, not sure what happened there.
Time for a cig, I think. I wish the rain would go away.... in addition to kicking my pain levels way too high, it has a less than healthy impact on my emotional state. Right now, the world is very very bleak...
I'm tired of hurting.
I'm tired of knowing it won't get any better.
I'm tired of trying to 'be strong' and not whine about it all.
I'm tired of having old friends look at me as a lazy bum.
I'm tired of talking to former coworkers, and getting that 'you look pathetic' look from them.
I'm tired of being trapped in a 'can't move' situation at home.
I'm tired of being told by my housemate how much -she- hurts and how tired -she- is, when I /rarely/ make mention of my own situation.
I'm tired of being bound by my own honor to a no-win situation.
*sigh* God, I sound like the ultimate whiney spoiled kid. :( But it's the truth... the few folks that read my journal are all fairly aware of my current position. The Fibromyalgia diagnosis remains in place; no cure, medicate for life. The damage done by the strokes (3 of them, about 2 years ago) is... quite damning, sometimes. My mind is not intact, and it's galling. And for those I've not told: my doctor has given another tentative diagnosis - Myasthenia Gravis. It's unconfirmed, as I lack the fairly -sizeable- amounts of cash to have the neural function tests done... but it would explain quite a bit. Sudden muscle failures, sudden crippling disorientation... going to the store can be -real- exciting.
I probably shouldn't babble on like this, but I need to let it out somewhere. I guess putting it all here will at least let folks know what's going on, and why I'm so erratic. I'm sorry, darlings; I'm tired. Far more tired than a 35yo has /any/ right to be...
no subject
It's okay - it wasn't hugely breaking, and there was other people posting tests with broken HTML too. :o)
*hughugs*
*hugs*
I understand completely, love...really I do.
I'm tired of knowing it won't get any better.
There are ways of making it better, hon. We just have to get you settled with money and location before we can work on those. I've been doing the occasional research on things...
I'm tired of trying to 'be strong' and not whine about it all.
Everyone is allowed to whine occasionally, dear. And this is YOUR journal, you can whine in it all you want and no one will judge you. If they do, they can just not read any more. As for me, I think you could stand to do a little more sharing with your friends. Some of us are too far away to do much, but we CAN listen for goodness sakes.
I'm tired of having old friends look at me as a lazy bum.
Screw 'em. If they don't pay attention or bother to find out just what it is you're dealing with, then they obviously don't qualify as friends. You're not a lazy bum.
I'm tired of talking to former coworkers, and getting that 'you look pathetic' look from them.
I'm sure they're not doing it on purpose, hon. It's always a shock to see someone who has been fighting a long-term illness if you haven't seen them for a while. Be patient. *HUG*
I'm tired of being trapped in a 'can't move' situation at home.
Well, you CAN move, but it would mean making some decisions that you've been reluctant to make so far.
I'm tired of being told by my housemate how much -she- hurts and how tired -she- is, when I /rarely/ make mention of my own situation.
Tell her that. Repeatedly. I love her but she needs to effing grow up.
I'm tired of being bound by my own honor to a no-win situation.
Then let it go. You know my opinion on it. You've heard it repeatedly. Honor only goes so far. You've done more than enough...cut your losses and get out.
*HUG*
Love you very much, hate to see you hurting so much. *sigh*