Sorry about this!

[cabbitzilla]

I really am... but my close friends know full well that I'm an invertabrate punster (spinelessly unable to resist a pun, so slug me!). This arrived in my email this morning (and a couple of you may've already seen it), and really needed to be passed on. Given how badly I ache today, it was a much needed laugh. :p

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."



2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"



3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."



5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.



6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."



7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.



9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

Thank you! *runs for cover*

Comments

[llieno.livejournal.com]

#9 is the best ^_^

[kurara.livejournal.com]

Hee hee XD

[m-masque.livejournal.com]

Now, you just know I couldn't let this one go by without comment, Ellie-kun.

1) I've always been a punster, but I think it took the obituary of Ewell (Uell? the old Grapenuts spokesman and naturalist) Gibbons to really make me realize it. He died of natural causes.

2) Several years ago, my mother brought home some frozen yogurt (Something that was still very new at the time) Crowley's Peach Frozen Yogurt to be exact. She and I both liked it, but my father didn't. "It doesn't have any taste," He said. My mother replied, "It does have taste." To which, I immediately added "And culture, too."

3) A short time after the above incident, Mother was in the store buying more of that yogurt and met up with a sales representative of the company that made the yogurt. When he asked her how she liked it, she said she did and told him the above pun. He didn't get it. However, not all that long ago, I recall seeing a package of frozen yogurt, not Crowley's though, that had as a sales slogan "All this taste, and culture too!" I should sue, but I'm not one to cry over spoilt milk.

Lastly, I'll leave you with a pair of links. The first one has all sorts of jokes and puns including the one I was looking for to put in this post. Isaac Asimov's "Death of a Foy." Let the reader beware... http://www.apc.net/ia/znovel.htm


And this site also has that story, plus bunches and bunches of other shaggy dog stories... www.awpi.com/Combs/Shaggy


*hugs*
Masque

[m-masque.livejournal.com]

Oops! Just tumbled across this one. Better add it before someone beats me to it...namely you, Ellie :P

http://www.badpuns.com/

[rynchan.livejournal.com]

*twitch*...*twitch*.....*explodes*

Seriously, though..funnie! I love puns... :-P

Ryn