cabbitzilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cabbitzilla) wrote2001-01-02 01:24 am
cabbitzilla) wrote2001-01-02 01:24 am
Some small amount of success...
Well, the workstation's back together again, at least, and functional from a hardware standpoint. What once would have been an hours' effort was an all day project... and may well be the last time I attempt such an upgrade. Only having limited use of my left arm is more of a detriment than I had counted on; lifting and mounting tasks are virtually impossible. I... I feel... this must be what a child lost in a snowstorm feels like - overwhelmed, alone, and afraid. I've built my life on being able to do more, faster and more efficiently, than the other techs in the industry... built my reputation on honorable, steadfast loyalty and service. Someone who'd come up through the ranks, and earned their title the hard way. Proud. Yah, that too. I've never seen anything dishonorable or diminishing about being in a service oriented tasking, though there are some that find fault with me for it. But it was where I was happy, and a purpose larger than just 'me' was aided.
So now what do I do?
The list of things that are 'wrong' about my situation is fairly lengthy, but it breaks down easily into two chunks: the stuff I can fix, and the stuff I can't. Simple, eh? Time to fall back and take stock of things... figure out what I can and can't do for myself any longer. Given today's painfully slow thoughts when it came down to the nuts and bolts of technology, I think it's safe to mark off anything beyond 'user'... power user, maybe, but my days as a tech seem to be at an end. As devastating as the fibromyalgia has proven to be to my health, I think the worst part is the clouding of my mind. It would seem that Doc L's 'multiple minor stroke' theory has more meat to it than I'd like to think.... which in turn changes the flavour of being put out of my job due to disability. I... don't care for this; it's bitter tasting.
My options seem to be fairly clear cut, after all. I wonder if I can polish any of my short stories up enough to sell a piece or two? Creative functions still seem to work just fine, and my typing doesn't seem hampered. *dry chuckle* Maybe learning how to type by listening to the 'music' of the keys was a good idea after all. :p Hokie. Something still works. FIne. I can work on plugging the rest of the stuff through my music and writing, until I sort out what's worth keeping. Fortunately, my reading skills weren't dented, either. *blink* Hey! I can finally finish getting caught up on the David Drake, Mercedes Lackey, Robert Jordan, and Steve Perry novels I love! That goes up as a definite bright spot. :)
And it's times like this when I wonder what my guinea pig (Ollie. Adorable little fellow, really.) is thinking when he looks at me that way. He looks.... hrm... sad? Deep in thought? Maybe he knows the true questions and answers to life... and only gnaws on my network wires for the sheer amusement value. Of course, he might just be thinking that I'm overdue to clean his cage...
Right. I'm waxing philosophic about my four-legged brother. Time for bed. Hopefully the 'drake 7.2 CDs' will ship tomorrow, and I can get my beastie back up. Goodnight, 'net.
So now what do I do?
The list of things that are 'wrong' about my situation is fairly lengthy, but it breaks down easily into two chunks: the stuff I can fix, and the stuff I can't. Simple, eh? Time to fall back and take stock of things... figure out what I can and can't do for myself any longer. Given today's painfully slow thoughts when it came down to the nuts and bolts of technology, I think it's safe to mark off anything beyond 'user'... power user, maybe, but my days as a tech seem to be at an end. As devastating as the fibromyalgia has proven to be to my health, I think the worst part is the clouding of my mind. It would seem that Doc L's 'multiple minor stroke' theory has more meat to it than I'd like to think.... which in turn changes the flavour of being put out of my job due to disability. I... don't care for this; it's bitter tasting.
My options seem to be fairly clear cut, after all. I wonder if I can polish any of my short stories up enough to sell a piece or two? Creative functions still seem to work just fine, and my typing doesn't seem hampered. *dry chuckle* Maybe learning how to type by listening to the 'music' of the keys was a good idea after all. :p Hokie. Something still works. FIne. I can work on plugging the rest of the stuff through my music and writing, until I sort out what's worth keeping. Fortunately, my reading skills weren't dented, either. *blink* Hey! I can finally finish getting caught up on the David Drake, Mercedes Lackey, Robert Jordan, and Steve Perry novels I love! That goes up as a definite bright spot. :)
And it's times like this when I wonder what my guinea pig (Ollie. Adorable little fellow, really.) is thinking when he looks at me that way. He looks.... hrm... sad? Deep in thought? Maybe he knows the true questions and answers to life... and only gnaws on my network wires for the sheer amusement value. Of course, he might just be thinking that I'm overdue to clean his cage...
Right. I'm waxing philosophic about my four-legged brother. Time for bed. Hopefully the 'drake 7.2 CDs' will ship tomorrow, and I can get my beastie back up. Goodnight, 'net.