(no subject)

[cabbitzilla]

The last time I posted a piece of historical satire, it started a war that took me days to settle. This time, I'm writing this damned preface so that nobody gets their feathers ruffled... so those that for whatever reason find this non-amusing can get bent. Yeah, I'm in a mood.

Anyway, my heritage includes a solid wedge of German... and I've witnessed the legendary over-engineering (and perpetrated it) often enough that this amused the heck out of me...

TO: All Noncommissioned Officers and below. FROM: Blitzkrieg High Command Quality Control Center. SUBJECT: Hand-Grenade Repair Bulletin Follow-up. MESSAGE: In a previous bulletin, ZVP-11100WUB-827-D, it was reported that certain hand grenades manufactured by Sturm & Drang between 3 June 1943 and 8 October 1943, bearing Serial Numbers 87A000-112498BZQ148 through 87A000-112498BZS157 in one-millimeter-high characters on the inside of the release lever, have detonated in 4.91465 seconds instead of the specified 4.97771 seconds. This variation exceeded manufacturing tolerances. Bulletin ZVP-111000WUB-827-D described how to correct this defect. However, it has been learned that this bulletin contains a typographical error. If Step 3 is followed as written, hand grenades so modified will detonate in .07331 seconds and could pose a hazard to the user. All copies of bulletin ZVP-111000WUB-827-D must be corrected as follows: In Step 3, the word "left" in the third line should be deleted and the word "right" inserted. If the corrected instructions are followed properly, the hand grenades will perform satisfactorily. However, if any hand grenades are observed to detonate in .07331 seconds, even after being correctly modified, safety pins and release levers of such hand grenades must be returned to Blitzkrieg Warranty Center. Upon receipt of safety pins and release levers, together with Quality Control Follow-up Report Forms filled out correctly, credit will be issued. Credit will not be issued if forms are filled out incorrectly.

I'm hoping I've got the font settings normalized... my head is screaming and I've had to turn font sizes up to 24pt just to be able to see what I'm typing. If it's too big, I'll fix it tomorrow. I'm gonna go die now, okay?