cabbitzilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cabbitzilla) wrote2004-08-16 10:57 pm
cabbitzilla) wrote2004-08-16 10:57 pm
(no subject)
The tun playing is ... oddly appropriate.
I've been, for the most part, completely offline today. Even now, sitting here, my MU* client and chat client are still switched off. It has been a .... thoroughly jarring day. Just about everything on my schedule for today, including my individual and group therapy appointments, got tossed into the trash.
Panic and Vertigo have been my companions today.
I don't know whether it was simultaneous onset or the vertigo triggering the panic attack; it's really pointless to assign 'blame', since I've had to deal with them both today. As a result, I've spent the majority of my time today huddled on my bed up against the corner, crying. It's been a long time since I've had to deal with the both at once, and I'd forgotten what a weight they represented.
To say that today has been unpleasant is rather like calling the Atlantic ocean a pond.
It took most of the day, but I've finally got enough of the panic locked back down so that I can work on minimizing the vertigo. I'm moving slowly, but I am moving again. With a bit of luck, the surges of raw terror are stuffed back in their cage... I really don't need a repeat of the mid afternoon attempt to get to the bathroom, and the cleanup that that necessitated. Humiliation doesn't do much to help get things back under control.
At least it wasn't on my bed.
I... don't know that my chat client will get turned on at all, tonight. Fire/Merc/Panic, please let Quin and Lugh know what's going on; neither of them do the every ten minute check of LJ like I do, and I don't want either worrying. I am here, I am alive... I'm just not what I'd term 'functional'. I... am hoping that this is the decompress reaction to finally getting a lock on an apartment, and not an indicator of what my week is going to be like. Most of the rest of the folks I consider precious all keep fairly close tabs on me; I fidget at how much energy folks spend on me, but I'm not even going to start denying that it's not nice. *reads over that, counts negatives, sighs* Screw it. Folks will know what I mean. I'm going to sit here a bit, and see if I can get things the rest of the way under control. If so, I'll reappear. If no... hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Zhai'helleva.
I've been, for the most part, completely offline today. Even now, sitting here, my MU* client and chat client are still switched off. It has been a .... thoroughly jarring day. Just about everything on my schedule for today, including my individual and group therapy appointments, got tossed into the trash.
Panic and Vertigo have been my companions today.
I don't know whether it was simultaneous onset or the vertigo triggering the panic attack; it's really pointless to assign 'blame', since I've had to deal with them both today. As a result, I've spent the majority of my time today huddled on my bed up against the corner, crying. It's been a long time since I've had to deal with the both at once, and I'd forgotten what a weight they represented.
To say that today has been unpleasant is rather like calling the Atlantic ocean a pond.
It took most of the day, but I've finally got enough of the panic locked back down so that I can work on minimizing the vertigo. I'm moving slowly, but I am moving again. With a bit of luck, the surges of raw terror are stuffed back in their cage... I really don't need a repeat of the mid afternoon attempt to get to the bathroom, and the cleanup that that necessitated. Humiliation doesn't do much to help get things back under control.
At least it wasn't on my bed.
I... don't know that my chat client will get turned on at all, tonight. Fire/Merc/Panic, please let Quin and Lugh know what's going on; neither of them do the every ten minute check of LJ like I do, and I don't want either worrying. I am here, I am alive... I'm just not what I'd term 'functional'. I... am hoping that this is the decompress reaction to finally getting a lock on an apartment, and not an indicator of what my week is going to be like. Most of the rest of the folks I consider precious all keep fairly close tabs on me; I fidget at how much energy folks spend on me, but I'm not even going to start denying that it's not nice. *reads over that, counts negatives, sighs* Screw it. Folks will know what I mean. I'm going to sit here a bit, and see if I can get things the rest of the way under control. If so, I'll reappear. If no... hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Zhai'helleva.