cabbitzilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cabbitzilla) wrote2003-10-15 04:09 pm
cabbitzilla) wrote2003-10-15 04:09 pm
Down Time
That's where I've been for about a week, now. Those few that've caught me long enough to chat with me can probably vouch for my down and terminally distracted state. For as long as I can remember, there's always been a suicidal low surrounding the seasonal change from summer to fall that lasts two to three weeks; it speaks well of the antidepressant (Lexapro) that I'm functional at all, and for the first time in decades don't consider myself suicidal during this period.
But that doesn't mean I'm a particularly happy camper, either. When confronted by both a low peak of emotions -and- heightened pain levels, I pretty much shut down. I've been spending a lot of time in 'mindless' activities: Diablo II, Doom II, Warcraft II, and Starfleet Command. Yes, there is a Starfleet Command II, but I haven't managed to borrow it from anyone. Nyah. :p
But I am still here, and I try to talk to folks that talk to me. I... initiative is almost entirely lacking, darlings; I'm not likely to start a conversation myself, but I do try to answer. I'm trying to hold on.... hoping that it'll be a shortened period. Trying to remember to take my meds is proving difficult... and there's no one here to keep an eye on things whil my brain is off pondering its cosmic navel. So just try to bear with me... I'm trying to fight through it, and that's really all I can do. This isn't a problem of 'the world' or of 'other people', this is a something that's wrong with me; I've not found a better way to deal with it than what I'm doing, though I'm still looking.
*hugs*
I need to go to the store. Megan's poked me three or four times now about getting milk. And lo, this morn there was no milk for my Grape Nut Flakes... *sigh* Time to fix that. And before folks jump on her, her midterm was yesterday and she's been stressed about it; the bookstore is -still- out of stock on one of the three books she's supposed to have for the class, and the #2 book she wasn't able to get until Monday afternoon. So she's stressed too. And we'll deal.
Life goes on, right?
But that doesn't mean I'm a particularly happy camper, either. When confronted by both a low peak of emotions -and- heightened pain levels, I pretty much shut down. I've been spending a lot of time in 'mindless' activities: Diablo II, Doom II, Warcraft II, and Starfleet Command. Yes, there is a Starfleet Command II, but I haven't managed to borrow it from anyone. Nyah. :p
But I am still here, and I try to talk to folks that talk to me. I... initiative is almost entirely lacking, darlings; I'm not likely to start a conversation myself, but I do try to answer. I'm trying to hold on.... hoping that it'll be a shortened period. Trying to remember to take my meds is proving difficult... and there's no one here to keep an eye on things whil my brain is off pondering its cosmic navel. So just try to bear with me... I'm trying to fight through it, and that's really all I can do. This isn't a problem of 'the world' or of 'other people', this is a something that's wrong with me; I've not found a better way to deal with it than what I'm doing, though I'm still looking.
*hugs*
I need to go to the store. Megan's poked me three or four times now about getting milk. And lo, this morn there was no milk for my Grape Nut Flakes... *sigh* Time to fix that. And before folks jump on her, her midterm was yesterday and she's been stressed about it; the bookstore is -still- out of stock on one of the three books she's supposed to have for the class, and the #2 book she wasn't able to get until Monday afternoon. So she's stressed too. And we'll deal.
Life goes on, right?