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Lyrics of Relevance. There're two of them, and they ... interact with the post below. Please pardon any typos... it's difficult to type through the tears.

The night is growing dark from somewhere deep within
It shelters like an ark and always takes you in

And the mind goes numb
'Till it's feeling no pain
And the soul cries out
For a handful of rain

Wash your women in your whiskey
When your future's in the past
And you're staring up at heaven
From the bottom of a glass
And you need some insulation from the years you've had and lost
And you feel the perspiration as you're adding up the cost

And the night rolls on
Like a slow moving train
And the soul cries out

There's a land beyond the living
There's a land beyond the dead
If it's true that God's forgiving
Of the lives that we have led
In the distance there's a thunder and the air is thick and warm
And the patrons watch with wonder the approaching of the storm

And the night rolls on
Like a slow moving train
And the soul cries out
For a handful of rain

All right

There's an old man in the corner and he's smoking all the time
And the smoke is drifting upward and it's
Twisting in my - Twisting in my
Mind ... In my mind

The whiskey's getting deeper and I use it like a moat
There's a blues man in the distance and he's
Lost inside his - Lost inside his note
His note ... His note

The night is growing dark from somewhere deep within
It shelters like an ark that always takes you in

And the night rolls on
Like a slow moving train
And the soul cries out
For a handful of rain
-Handful of Rain from Savatage (Handful of Rain)


========================================================================

So after all these one night stands
You've ended up with heart in hand
A child alone, on your own, retreating.

Regretful for the things you're not
And all dreams you haven't got
Without a home, a heart of stone, lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind

I am the way. I am the light. I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes. I feel your dreams. And in the dark I hear your screams
Don't turn away; just take my hand and when you make your final stand
I'll be right there. I'll never leave. All I ask of you ... Believe.

Your childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string
Grown-up wings
You needed

But when you had to add them up
You found that they were not enough
To get you in
Pay for sins repeated

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

I am the way. I am the light. I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes. I feel your dreams. And in the dark I hear your screams
Don't turn away; just take my hand and when you make your final stand
I'll be right there. I'll never leave. All I ask of you ... Believe.

I never wanted to know
Never wanted to see
I wasted my time
Till time wasted me
Never wanted to go
Always wanted to stay
'Cause the person I am
Are the parts that I play
So I plot and I plan
Hope and I scheme
To the lure of a night
Filled with unfinished dreams
And I'm holding on tight
To a world gone astray
As they charge me for years
I can't pay

I am the way. I am the light. I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes. I feel your dreams. And in the dark I hear your screams
Don't turn away; just take my hand and when you make your final stand
I'll be right there. I'll never leave. All I ask of you ... Believe.

Believe
-Believe from Savatage (Streets: A Rock Opera)


Don't see the connection? Ah.

Imagine, if you can, being a 36 year old seemingly perpetual-pre-op male-to-female transsexual. An overweight one, with a hefty smoking habit. One that went through a long dark period, where all the dreams had died and the only comfort left was in alcohol, and walling everyone and everything away... surrounding yourself with a wall of ice that left you looking cold, viscious, and deadly. When the people who'd been trusted had, every last one of them, betrayed you. Alone, trapped in a husk that was as alien as the society around you.

It wasn't a good time. I was saved some years back by a stranger met one night in a BDSM themed club in Baltimore, who saw what I was doing to myself... and where it was going to end. That individual used every ounce of might in Herself to smash a hole through the ice and haul me bodily out into the light again. She proved to me that while 'people' may not be trustworthy, individual persons could be, and that SHE was. My loyalty to the woman in question surpassed everything else in my life. Ten years after we parted ways, that loyalty still existed, simply dormant while time and distance was between us.

This morning, She lost a short and incredibly bitter battle with lymphatic cancer. The memories and lessons learned at Her hands made me who and what I am today, and I loved Her more intensely than I thought possible. She taught me that it wasn't a crime to dream, that it wasn't a crime to take steps to -be- who you are within, that while it may not be 'safe' to love that it IS the right thing to do, and that being true to yourself is more important than fitting someone else's perceptions of who -they- think you are. Lessons I'm not doing my utmost to pass on to others that I treasure, in spite of their continuous and strenuous objections that they are not worthy of such things. Those objections only strengthen my resolve; I will do what I was taught and trained to do.

Good night, my beloved Mistress. Sleep well, until the Wheel spins you out again. Know that I will heed your final wishes.

I love you.
~Elisabeth

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November 2012

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